Saturday, May 30, 2015

I WANNA BE YOUR LEFT HAND(,) MAN

(music: Riptide - Taylor Swift)

I love you when you're singing that song
and I got a lump in my throat 'cos
you're gonna sing the words wrong

there's this movie that I think you'll like 
this guy decides to quit his job and heads to New York City


The movie in the song lyrics is Midnight Cowboy, in case anyone is wondering.

I only keep this post here to remind myself that hindsight being 20/20 and all that, I must not allow any man's words to fool me, again. Eternal note to self: a man could share your interests to the end of the world, and that man could still not be a good man, nor be good for you. He could be engaged to marry a woman, and be amazing at navigating social media to keep both of you completely unaware of each other.

I initially thought I may not wanna blog about this, but then I realised I blogged extensively about the previous guy in my life, and that didn't leave the best of impressions on me, whereas this was the opposite, so I'd really much rather preserve this for me to look back on in my life.

This post will be full of words, and even in the many photographs, you will find just more words. I would have preferred, as much as any of you, photos of food or stuff that we may have done together, but we were in different places, so texts were mostly what happened and screenshots are all I can include.

Six weeks and five days ago, I started talking to a man named Dan.

He's been travelling the world, half for work, and half for a hiatus year, something like I've been wanting to do (did you know that besides picking up new languages/studying comparative religion, I want to teach English in any place that doesn't have English as a native language? if you don't, welcome to my life, who are you??) so I thought it would be great to live vicariously through him because: why not.

He sent me photos of the places he was currently in.





I already forgot where this was (well I wasn't there! it's harder to remember someone else's experience) but I think he made a Hobbit reference, and this is when I told him he reminded me of Elijah Wood, because he does.

We made plans to watch Pitch Perfect 2 together, for when he would be in Singapore. I was anticipating it because I really liked the first one, and Anna Kendrick is perfect, anyway. She's cute and sexy and pretty and funny, and I just don't understand how???




I found out Dan also liked the first Pitch Perfect, as well as Anna Kendrick.

We went back and forth with references, from music to movies to books, and until only yesterday (I didn't get when he quoted Let's Call the Whole Thing Off??), we never missed a single one. We had a quote-off of Scott Pilgrim vs The World, which is why he started talking to me in the first place, my Ramona Flowers-inspired multi-coloured hair.

We quoted The Princess Bride, and had similar opinions about 1Q84, he even got my Whose Line is It Anyway reference, and I think that might have been what sealed the deal. Nobody else ever gets it when I say things like "the points don't matter! just like the sports in the bikini issue of Sports Illustrated!"


He reminded me very much of Huda, which I kept telling her. Huda is possibly the only best friend I have who would send me silly photos of herself, because she is crazy and I love her. Because I know for sure I love Huda, and because I found him to be so similar to her (their online speak tho), I... had latent feelings for him. Just because I projected some things I liked about Huda onto Dan.

I found out Dan is a genius, through our conversations and also through snooping up on him online. Everything I found is on public domain though, so technically, I didn't even really have to stalk.





He is so very intelligent, and knowledgeable and he just kept outdoing himself and impressing me.

When he was in Osh, Kyrgyzstan, he took a photo of a heavily graffitied under-the-bridge area. I have no idea where the photo is, but then I asked whether he would write something on the rocks.



That was the first time I heard his voice, through his voice notes. I found him to sound very sexy, especially because he was talking about smart stuff: "I think my first instinct in most situations is to observe and listen" "even if listening manifests itself visually"

Through some easy manipulation (Dan has already called me the Queen of Whatsapp screenshots), I managed to get Huda and Dan acquainted with each other:




I apparently set up a... thing for Dan to meet Huda when he's out with me but he was too busy during his recent visit, and I don't know whether I'll meet him again, so they might never meet now. I don't know.

(I still know for sure they would like each other. Fo' sho.)

That very same day, Dan met this ridiculously cute old man who gave him/me a thumbs up when he was told that he was cute.



So... I started rambling about my late granddad. I basically shared the text of this post with Dan (I didn't tell him about this blog), which I'd written when my grandfather passed away.








When I found out that he has as much admiration for his grandfather as I did for mine, this is what I said on Twitter, about Dan, not that he could see: "I love you and everything you love, because they are part of what makes you, you."

Yep, at that point of time, I think I loved the person he was, because it was easy to love him, anyway.

Sometimes, while I was at work, I would laugh to myself reading the silly texts he sent me:


"A flounce is a pillow, but for wizards."

I'm not sure where this fits chronologically, I'm too lazy to check but this is something that I just wanna type now. One night, while I was home alone because my family was over at our house in JB, it was thunderstorming in Singapore.

I couldn't sleep very well, so I texted Dan. Somehow I told him about why I'd decided to dye my hair like Ramona, because I felt like I had been treated like a Knives Chau by.... the previous guy in my life.

We spent close to two hours chatting, him asking if I slept worse and if I was more scared of thunderstorms when I was alone, analysing me the way he analyses everybody. When he was falling asleep wherever he was, he asked if the storm in Singapore had passed, and only then did I realise he'd been accompanying me staying up while waiting for the storm to be over.

At the end of that, he said "night, Ramona" because he wanted me to feel like Ramona Flowers instead of Knives Chau, and after two hours I hadn't even remembered about me telling him of my Scott Pilgrim story.

If you don't know the movie, please watch it. It's funny and I promise you will love quoting it, all the time.

Sooner or later, he had to become acquainted with my sister Lyssa because she is my favourite person in the entire world, and I wanted to orchestrate their mutual like for each other. I told him Lyssa and I had Adventure Time boots, and wondered whether he thought it was childish.



Not only did he not judge, he has a Tauntaun sleeping bag!


It's the cutest thing ever! To be honest I only know about it because one of his online usernames/handles has tauntaun in it, so I wanted to find out what it was, and I saw the sleeping bag.



On my birthday, I managed to get a "your sister seems cool :)" and I knew then, that they would like each other.

One day I finally admitted to him that I'd snooped and found his reddit AMAs. It's public domain, though, you can't really blame me, can you? :/




I think he said it made him the tiniest bit uncomfortable when I told him about Huda and I reading his AMAs (I think that's what made him uncomfy, 'cos there was nothing else we were talking about) so.... I'm not sure if this post should go up.

Another day, another conversation: I ask what his beliefs on God were.


He doesn't care too much about it.

We school each other on stuff:




He made me feel very happy, making suggestions based on what he'd already analysed from talking to me:






According to Han, my conversations with Dan were like "some beautiful literature text" lolololol this still amuses me greatly.

That night, after he'd mentioned his karaoke escapades with Taylor Swift songs, I sent him the videos of myself lip-syncing/covering Tay's music videos. I was all prepared to hide under the bed from him judging me, but....



i) he thought they were fab, ii) he sent me a video of himself and friend grooving/singing to Get Lucky in a car ride.

If you don't understand the feelings that I felt when he said those things about my Swiftie videos, as well as when I received his vid, you don't know me well enough.

We delved into our personal dispositions:



Before we met, we got into a pretty bad quarrel/disagreement. I started it. He told me he wouldn't and couldn't hold a grudge so within 24 hours he was pleasant to me again.

So one day, we finally met. We watched Pitch Perfect 2 and were underwhelmed by it. The song arrangements weren't as good, there was no narrative, it wasn't funny, I don't know how they allowed it to be made.


On May 4th, I wanted to get something for Dan 'cos it was Star Wars Day, so I got him a pair of lightsaber chopsticks that really light up. He was so happy with them, he said he'd bring them everywhere and use them to eat everything. I witnessed him eating yogurt with them.

While he ate yogurt and other things, he talked about Ke$ha and how he thinks she's actually smart, and about Amos Yee, and filled me in on some American particularities that don't happen in Singapore, etc.

The second time we met, he said he liked me without makeup and with my huge tortoiseshell nerd glasses. He said I look nice with makeup (which was how I appeared that night) but he thought I look nice enough without makeup.

That was the second time we met. I was so happy that he told me that, because I think many girls would go for so many dates with a guy, all made-up and well-dressed, before getting comfortable enough to slowly go back to being simple.

Dan cut it all short by telling me he liked me in my natural state, on the second date! So proud of this man! I give him all the points!

Also, that second time, I was ironing clothes and he was doing work on his laptop, while we listened to a podcast/video of old couples recounting their first date (I dunno where he got it). I felt so contented to be comfortable doing such things with him.




He's no longer in Singapore, he's travelling again.

I know you wouldn't think you can fall in love through texts in a month, but I think you can, and I did. I do think I try to be as honest and as true to myself through any media. Whatever I type online, is the exact same I would express it in real life.

Sometimes I guess people have the impression that I'm a strange girl, the one who makes the move, the one who never learns, and they wonder why I can go into something knowing full well I may get hurt. I don't know, I think I'm Taylor Swift, I'm proud of my feelings.

I own them. I own my pain and my embarrassments and my tears, and no matter how many times I may get hurt, I can and will stand back up and say, "yes, I love you" to a stranger I've never met, because I feel it. It may not be the kind of love that will get me married, but it's love, nonetheless.

I also don't really live in other people's realities, I live in my own reality, which is pretty much fantasy. I think I'm Ramona Flowers/Knives, I'm Satine from Moulin Rouge, I think I'm Taylor Swift. I live in fantasy, so nothing can touch me there.

Also: as much as I'm a hopeless romantic yearning to find her one true love, I know I can never get cut up enough to stop trying, because I inherently feel I'm worth it. I know I deserve someone, and someone deserves me. If not now, then someday, sometime.
Wallace: If you want something bad, you have to fight for it. Step up your game, Scott. Break out the L-word.
Scott Pilgrim: Lesbian?
Wallace: The other L-word.
Scott Pilgrim: ...Lesbians?

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