Sunday, June 28, 2015


(music: Bad Blood - Taylor Swift)

This is the follow-up and last part of this entire chapter. I do not want to involve myself with this story anymore, it's sucked the life out of me and I've had enough. A disclaimer that this is my blog, it is my personal domain, and therefore I am entitled to speak about my opinions.

In no way am I preaching this to anyone; if you disagree, you are free not to think the same way, and in fact, if you already think you are going to disagree, I suggest you do not read this at all. I am not compelling anyone to read this, there is no compulsion in this world. Or at least, there shouldn't be.

I'm worried about straining ties between myself and some of my nearest and dearest people, because they've been in similar situations, and the decisions they made are clear opposites of mine. Again, this is not personal towards anyone, it's only personal for myself.

In the five or so weeks that we spoke, I'd requested to follow Dan on Instagram, which he didn't approve. That should have already rung an alarm, but he said he was wary after an incident with some woman who was "not completely present" two years ago, or whatever. I'm now willing to bet this was obviously yet another cock-and-bull story of his.

I negotiated and he agreed to allow me to follow his Instagram and view his photos exactly one day before we would be meeting.

I asked him whether the lady was his girlfriend. He said, explicitly, "she was." I might stand corrected, but was usually refers to past tense, meaning no longer applicable, and so I assumed that's what he meant.

I went on to press him about it, because I'd told him there was no way I'd be meeting him on a "date" if he had a girlfriend. I'd told him all my insecurities, stemming from how my biological dad was a serial cheater, and I never wanted to be "the third party."

Again, he says they were "broken up."

And: he goes on to say he "takes a bit of offense" (RLY NOW??) and "feeling judged", "I was never dishonest with you" and "I didn't hide anything from you." I'm not even sure which part makes me laugh most now, because they were all lies.

I hadn't taken a screenshot of this next line I want to highlight, before I'd deleted the chat on WhatsApp, so this is the archive text from my email.

After reading that he said "the feelings are all still there" between him and his ex-girlfriend, I tried to push him towards the idea. I said "for what it's worth, i think you should try with her" because I thought it was just distance between them, and that there was nothing amiss.

He didn't take me up on the idea, so we met. After we met, this is yet another important part.

I clarified that "you have friends in different countries whom you meet and have sexual relations with, am i right to assume?" to which he answered "I do" and "if they'd like to do more than just hang out and talk, then we do."

I stress this point because a couple of my friends, one close and another not-so-close had brought up the fact that Dan was in fact a travelling man, and Caucasian no less, which means he's more open and liberal, etc.

Let me be clear that I was nor am in no way affected that he said he slept around. He was a single man, it's his prerogative to hook up as often as he wants. What I had an issue with was the fact that he never mentioned that he currently still had a girlfriend in the US.

Cheating is one of my least favourite things to contemplate, I just can't comprehend it and if I could make it not exist on the face of this earth, I would.

We met, and then I wrote that long post about him. That was the first time I told him about my blog and I let him know that if he was in any way uncomfortable with it, I would take it down. He said it was a beautiful post, and he allowed it to be, on public internet domain.

The audacity! I'm actually grinning a most perplexed smile. He was that confident that he could keep both me and his girlfriend in the dark, and that he'd never be caught. Dat fricking ego.

Well, of course as it happened, I went to see his "ex-girlfriend's" Facebook, because I was curious, and the world works in mysterious ways, and I believe in God, so I believe God gave me a push, and I saw that they were "back together".

Even up to this point....

According to him: "she asked me to visit when I was coming back to the states" and the rest, as you know, is in the previous blogpost.

Of course it all seemed suspicious, and I managed to send my link across to the ex-girlfriend (whom I really, really hoped was an "ex", I really would have just let it die quietly and left the scene if they'd just rekindled their relationship) but she said they'd never broken up.

That's when my stomach started to curdle and my heart felt like the worst heavyweight.

When D (for dickwad) found out I'd gotten through to his girlfriend, this was what he said.

"Hi Sarah. I'm sorry I betrayed your trust." When he was lying to me to gain my trust, he covered up his lies with so many more lies, but when it was an apology, it was just "hi Sarah. I'm sorry I betrayed your trust."

Ummmm, how bout no. You're not sorry you betrayed my trust, in fact you're not at all sorry to me, you don't feel remorseful towards me. You hate me for publicising your lies and exposing you to your girlfriend. How about that? How about we put you on a lie detector so we can help separate your seemingly compulsive lying from anything that might remotely resemble the truth?

I know I wasn't his girlfriend and I'm not important to him at all, but the fact is, he played us both. Yet he's only "apologetic" towards her, because he's sorry he got caught, he's scared of losing her, whereas of course I wouldn't be a loss to him at all. All of it was lacking in sincerity.

If my boyfriend cheated on me, and treated the other girl like that, when she was just as oblivious as I was, I would dump his ass. Too many times, I think guys use the excuse "it didn't mean anything" which I think would appal me as a girlfriend.

Was she on the same wavelength as you were, when you say "it didn't mean anything"? Did you by any chance lead her to believe it could have meant something? Did you not tell her you were 70% sure you'd be living in Singapore for work? Was that lie just because you couldn't stop lying, or was it to raise the potential of it "meaning something" to the other girl?

I'm sorry (not sorry, actually) that I'm not his girlfriend, but I was collateral damage. I am a human being, I have just as much feelings and a conscience. I was caught in the crossfire, and the moment he realised he was exposed, it was all "girlfriend girlfriend girlfriend you made me realise how important my girlfriend is to me oh yes did I mention I have a girlfriend."

Bullshit. You're a man, and your ego just makes you want to keep something that you could potentially lose. How important was your girlfriend in the 6 weeks you strayed? Where was your respect for her when you fooled around with your "friends" in other countries? Didn't exist.

Wait, so Sarah is no longer a person whose feelings are worth pandering to, her pain is not worth considering, no need for more lies to keep me interested?

I think when men disrespect women as a whole, he's disrespecting me. If he's only trying to mollycoddle me because he knows he's fucked up, then it's too late. He did indeed fuck up.

I also believe girls are not as prone to leave even when cheated on because they buy into the idea of sunk costs. The thing is, sunk costs and missed opportunities always happen in life, and it's never too late to cut your losses.

My mother stayed with my real dad for six years before the divorce, giving him chance after chance, and he strayed again and again, which in my opinion was six years too long. I know why it happened, though, my dad was an intelligent, manipulative, charming, cocky man, and he knew he could get away with it, because he already had.

I know one of my closest friends may read this and feel something, and I must say I don't know how to deal with it. I would never forgive a cheat, but as best friends, I would accept her decision if she accepts my opinion.

It sickens me that guys are much more inclined to up and leave the moment they find out they have been cheated on, and it's again because of their huge egos. They hate being put in second place to another man, and they're all done and ready to find someone new.

In this aspect, I really wish women were more like men. I wish they knew their worth and not to settle for someone who was so blind to it, up till only when they're scared stiff of losing her. Men exploiting female weaknesses. Fuck off, ain't nobody got no time for that.

I don't really care what happens with D, and if I could, I would take the Star Wars chopsticks I got him and gouge his eyes out. Asshole. He's probably thrown away the chopsticks now. Whatever it is, I'm not interested in their story and if they leave me alone, I'll leave them alone.

This is the end to that chapter.

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