Wednesday, August 02, 2017


Remember when I said Suff was a Star Wars geek? No? Well, whatever, I did say it, sometime. I, on the other hand, had never seen a Star Wars film in my life. It wasn't something I was brought up to do, or that someone introduced to me to spark my interest (as opposed to my father getting me my copy of Harry Potter & The Philosopher's Stone or Huda letting me watch Hamilton at her house, &c &c, you get my drift).

So yesterday, I decided to start and see what the whole hype is about, right, because: FOMO culture and whatnot. I told Suff that I was starting to watch Star Wars IV: A New Hope and here's what he said to me: "okay but I want you to watch as you, not because you like me" and "I wanna know what Sarah thinks of it" which instantaneously gave me a sensation/sentiment I'd never felt in my life, and not in a good way.

I had an expression of utmost incredulity on my face (I know, I felt my features move that way --- almost as bizarre as something you could see on Calvin's face - as in Calvin and Hobbes).

Suff either does not know me at all AT ALL, or he knows me so well and he did it on purpose to set me off, which would have been an ingenious move to turn me off/push me away because it worked, but I don't think he meant it that way. He doesn't have THAT much foresight.

My first thought was: excuse me, what? Me? Sarah Mei Lyana. I have a mind of my own, and my mother thinks I don't think of anyone but myself and my feelings (can't deny it, it's true). I'm my own individual and I hate being influenced.

I mean, omg yes I'm a huge geek for geeks and whatever, but you know, it's like when Joey brought me to SpaceX, he didn't have to say "oh, I want you to tour SpaceX and tell me what you think, not because I work here" or when Khalis takes me around Singapore he doesn't have to say "oh I hope you don't think these buildings are cool because I work on them, this has to be an organic thing, okay?"

MOFO the thought of it gives me so much rage. I am not a dog pandering to your likes. Space and rockets and architecture were cool before guys were working on them, and Star Wars was cool before Suffian was a geek for it. Millions of people like Star Wars. Don't flatter yourself, Suff. I am my own sentient, autonomous entity with my own brain and my own thoughts and feelings.

No but honestly, I've watched Hamilton with so many guys, and every time I watch it I've never told them "watch it for you, okay? don't let me colour your impression" OF COURSE YOU ARE WATCHING IT FOR YOU, I DON'T HAVE A GUN TO YOUR HEAD DO I.

Y u c k lol when guys think they're everything *rolling my freaking eyes* nobody controls me except me, and if you have the impression that it's otherwise, it's because I'm in charge of the impression you have. Fuck you, Suff. (Not literally.) (But also: literally.)

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