Thursday, May 31, 2018

AGAPE

Can you like and love two people at once? Yes, you can. It's funny why people ask this question when clearly we all love more than one person at any one time. We love both our parents but nobody ever questions a person's ability to love both parents at once. Or we love our multiple siblings, or best friends, and nobody says it's impossible to love more than one at once. Yes, you choose which ones to spend most time and attention on, but it never detracts away from your love for the others. Love is not a zero-sum game. Last night and this morning, I talked to Adam and Ben, respectively, about each other. It's funny because I actually think they are pretty similar to each other. I mean, of course there are fundamental differences like Adam has a lackadaisical attitude towards God and religion, that I have gotten quite accustomed to myself, whereas Ben is quite the proud Jew (by which I mean he's proud of his heritage and what they have gone through, not the arrogant proud). Also, Ben exercises regularly, whereas I highly doubt Adam has utilised his gym membership since he signed up for it when I first got to know him in October. But they are similar to quite some degree. They are both liberal lefties, they care about the same politics, they are inherently feminist without saying it (some of the worst men are those who wear feminism as a badge), they are both writers, I think they are both slightly discontented with what they do in life. Today I told Ben that Adam writes for Know Your Meme, and Ben said that was a dream job. I said I thought so too, but Adam said when you do something as a job, it becomes more like work and less of fun, and I think he wants to do something that perhaps has a bigger effect in righting the wrongs of today's society, or who knows, whatever. Ben then said, we never know, future historians might want to know what Twitter is for and how it was used and then KYM would be the new Rosetta Stone. Geez this man does exaggerate. Anyway, the point is Adam was wondering why Ben and I still call each other baby and say "I love you" (it appears in my Instastories screenshots along with other things in the conversation that I want to highlight) when I'd told him Ben has said that he and I are not in a relationship, not part of a couple, etc etc, I dunno how else you can put it. Ben says this is a valid question, but of course, he also thinks Adam has a little of a vested interest in this, considering it was Adam who first had to end things because we don't live in the same country, and yet I am now doing the same, just with Ben. I first thought that they were similar when Ben told me he thought he was a better guy to be dating a girl than his friend who didn't treat girls nicely. The first and only other time I'd heard this said by anyone was from Adam. I think they are peculiarly similar, and they must have rather similar values and temperaments, because they both make me think and feel very similar things, and they also both seem to feel mutually about me. I think if they'd met and I don't exist in the equation, they might either get along because they're alike, or not get along because they're alike. Today (Thursday, when the sun has risen in the USA), Ben is seeing his therapist, I told him to talk to his therapist about me. I then said I also told Adam to tell his therapist the same thing. We thought it would be hilarious if they are seeing the same therapist, and she sees the pattern, fucking hi-larious! We could make a movie about it. I mean, they both hail from Brooklyn and they fell for the same girl across the world who also has feelings for them, perhaps sharing the same therapist isn't too wild? I dunno, I guess when people ask whether you can love two people at once, it might be more accurate to ask whether you should. I don't think there is inherently anything wrong at the moment because neither one has a claim on me, I'm a free woman and perhaps neither of them is even best for me yet. I try to talk about it with both people and here in public because I think people start cheating with scenarios like this, and they never tell anyone. It's how my real dad probably always cheated on all his romantic partners. I dunno. I know thousands of people cheat and I'm sure most of them didn't start out with questionable morals, I want to believe that most, like me, thought they would never cheat and they abhor it, but ended up making a mistake from a slip of the tongue, or hand, or whatever. People who are the shadiest probably make the most mistakes, so here I am, throwing all my issues into the light, as I always do. I'm being honest with everyone about everything, and yes, that includes liking and being attracted to two men at once. Considering I'm still not exclusively bound to anyone, I'm still in the all-clear.

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