Friday, June 15, 2018


I wanted to write something like "1 like = 1 duit raya" - backstory for you Muricans: on Eid, Singaporean Malays give money packets (duit raya) to the younger ones once we start earning an income. Sometimes I envy people who can write sassy one-liners as their captions but then I think, well so I am not them. I am not carefree and snappily snarky, I am regularly depressed and I think and type in heavy run-on sentences. Yet sometimes people envy me so, to quote Houdini lyrics, "focus on your ability" - I will do what I can, and they will do what they can. In 2017, I lived in denial and I showed the world, especially the people who broke me, that I was just like the person I used to be and then I realised, I wasn't and I'm not. I came to terms with the fact that I don't have to live for the people who break me. Since putting myself back together and as I still continually piece my parts together every time, I have become a little darker, a little tougher, a little harder, but still incorporating my love for all things bright and colorful. I lost a best friend in the past year, I became even more cynical, and still I never stop looking for the person I'm meant to be. I hope we all live long enough to enjoy our golden hours. Shot on the Samsung S9, by my sister @notfuzzy. #eid #raya #houdini #fosterthepeople #malay #samsungsg #staygold #urbandecay #makeup
A post shared by Sarah Mei Lyana (@sarahmeilyana) on
I received a Facebook message from someone who'd read my last post. She said she received similar treatment at IMH, that it took barely five minutes for a senior doctor to say she didn't have depression. So, I suppose I will look into getting therapy somewhere else. I am so grateful that she wrote to me, because I'd already started to convince myself that maybe I wasn't depressed and was overthinking everything.

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