Thursday, August 09, 2018


People like stories, and I write stories about people, so here I am serving a story about someone, that you might enjoy reading. Go crazy, why don't you. I matched with a Jon on Tinder. He had a photo of himself dressed as Jon Snow. I went as Daenerys last Halloween, but it's not one of my Tinder photos. Last I checked, Daenerys and Jon Snow are getting it on in the show, so I told Jon about it. I sent him photos of my silvery-blonde self from last Halloween, he said I pulled off Dany really well but I was cuter as my own self, so I thought, that was smooth. We met for brunch, where we talked about our families and backgrounds. He hails from the East Coast of the US (he says the East Coast because he's moved around a lot *cue eyeroll*) but can generally be localised to Boston and New York. He went to Harvard, which we didn't talk about but I know because of social media and because he's worn his Harvard tee and sweatpants at home (I also think I've worn a pair of his Harvard sweatpants). So apparently although I couldn't make it to Harvard in this universe and timeline, I've subconsciously decided to date only all the Harvard alumni and be second-hand smart and privileged, I dunno??? We talked about my wanting to move to the US, and he agrees it's not the best time to do so, and he's very apprehensive about Trump being re-elected, because it's usually been difficult to push out the incumbent president, etc. After brunch, we went on a whim to Windsor Nature Park, which I'd never heard of and he underestimated how long and tough it would be, because we ended up trekking 7km pretty much uphill. We did however, keep each other going by holding hands and giving each other kisses, and when we were at the treetop walk at the top of the rickety bridge, overlooking the canopy and the reservoir, I was stunned, so perhaps not a bad first date idea after all, apart from both of us having worn the wrong shoes for it. We talked about our expectations, and I told him I was sick of dating around, but he doesn't know whether he's ready for a relationship, he's extremely non-commital and he thinks caring makes people inefficient. He does think I deserve a nice guy, he says I need someone to help me push back when my family is being mean, but I told him otherwise. I told him I don't want someone like that, I think some men think my mother is a monster, which is clearly an impression I have fed, given that they have never met her themselves. I think my mother has lived half her life based on what she has been taught and experienced, and she might have made some mistakes with my upbringing and her treatment of my sexual activity and miscarriage. I also think it is too late to change her or push back, and she also spent the first 26 years of my life providing for me and making sure I got what she could get for me. She loves me, slightly conditionally and restrictively, but I'm looking for a man who respects my mother and the boundaries she has set for herself. Yes I will move out of this place when I have the means, but I'm not looking for an alternative to my mother and family, rather: a man who can support me and be an extension to my family. He played Dear Life and some other pieces on his Yamaha keyboard, while I sat beside him. I giggled when I first saw it, 'cos a week prior to this, the daily question at work had been what is your biggest turn-on, and I said mine was men who had talent with musical instruments. It doesn't matter whether it's the guitar or piano or drums, men who play an instrument know what they're doing with their fingers. I can attest to Jon's dexterity in his fingers, and he also sails, not sure what this all means (apart from that he's a privileged bro), so you can make of it what you will. This is why if I ever have kids, I am making sure they pick up at least one musical instrument so the boys can take care of the girls they date, and my girls can take care of themselves. Jon is an engineer, but he also does the crossword and reads longform prose (he insisted on reading aloud to me, a humorous piece about New York being evacuated by all its residents, as if he doubts that I have my own ability to read). He is somehow a cross of all the white men I've liked and dated so far. Last night, he texted me that he was a little intimidated by me and I asked why, I was so puzzled because I'd been quite soft and pliant instead of overbearing, but then he said "because you're very smart and cute and you seem to know what you want much more than I do" and clearly, I fell for it hook, line and sinker. I met him and he was celebrating a co-worker's birthday at Cook and Brew, quite a snazzy little bar and restaurant, and somehow I ended up with them in a party mini-van for the first time, which was amazing. It was dark and there were tacky colorful laser lights and two poles, and loud music, and I have videos of all of us, taking shots and singing and dancing. Jon said he wanted to dominate the foosball table at the bar we were heading to, but the table had been removed, so you can guess what he dominated next. *shrugs* He kept saying fuck and that he was afraid 'cos he liked me and he was scared of what was coming next, and he's only working here till April so who knows what's down the line. Through the night, he kept veering sharply between saying "I love you" and "I wanna fuck you in the ass" so I knew he was well and proper drunk. At about 4am or thereabouts, I said to him this was the state of modern romance, women seeing the men they like admit some of their feelings only while intoxicated and being cuddled in bed, but Jon had a moment of lucidity and said that's been happening for centuries, it's not modern, and I stayed awake looking at him. If you're reading this, you must know I'm a sucker for falling for all the men who need fixing and I need to snap out of this, my life is not a Coldplay song. He wears Old Spice, like even my local ex-boyfriends did, before I dated white guys. This was a giggling matter because you can't find Old Spice in Singapore except at a tiny Indian grocery store, and Jon knows about this. I'll be in China for the whole of next week (my cousin Hazwani is there for a conference and her husband can't get leave days from work so she asked me to sightsee with her) and then Jon is gonna be back in Boston till early Sept for two weddings, so I won't be seeing him again until then, if we even meet again. I removed us from each other's contacts because he couldn't decide what he wanted, so he's apparently gonna think about it in our time spent apart. He knows where I work, so we'll see if I see him then. I honestly don't know what will happen because things change so fast and a month is a relatively long time but till then, this has been a story about Jon.

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