Sunday, July 24, 2022


A week ago, I took a weed edible for the second time in my life. The first time I'd done it was somewhere in LA in 2016, my host let me watch Friends while I was tripping so I basically dreamed up an entire new imaginary episode of Friends. Last week, I was playing Scrabble with Alex, Emma and Violia at the recreational hall of the fishing lodge. I took Alex's 20mg edible gummy, and thought it would be fine, because 20mg doesn't sound like a lot, and it's in such a harmless-seeming form of a chewy gummy, I thought, must be okay for each person to take one. I was wrong. 

In half an hour, I started greening out and losing my senses. I couldn't tell what was real and what was all in my head. I remember asking for Misi multiple times, and Leah filled me in the next day that they had to keep reminding me every five minutes that Misi was still at his work shift. Eventually, someone did get Misi once he'd ended work, so he came and took care of me. I remember Dani, Leah and Emma trying to get me to drink water, and to eat some snacks to combat the effects of the edible, but I forgot how to chew or drink water. I also refused to go to bed, until Misi coaxed me to do so. Misi took me to the restroom three times that night, even when I didn't actually need to use the bathroom. Apparently it's a common thing for you to think that you need to pee while you're on an edible. Misi put me to bed, and laid next to me until I passed out, but the entire night, I dreamed that I peed 97,000 times. 

It was not a fun trip, and the next time I saw Misi was the first time I saw him being serious with me. He said I could have gotten very ill and that he was disappointed with me and Alex, that nobody stopped to think for two seconds, about the consequences of giving me a higher dose than I could handle. Misi said I was not capable of moving and the entire night I communicated with him by basically nodding or shaking my head every time he asked me a question. He says the next time, if ever, I do an edible, I should start with 2.5 or 5mg, and I totally agree. I told myself I wouldn't be intoxicated for a week from the edible, but two nights later, Misi and I went to a room party and we got quite drunk on beer and Fireball shots, so I walked him to his bedroom and put him to bed that time. Life on the island is a strange, strange experience. 

My favorite thing about Misi is his voice. It might be my favorite voice in the world, and it's not like he has a great singing voice (I actually don't know, he might too). He has a very unique voice, it's like the softest masculine voice I know. Even before I noticed him romantically, before we ever started flirting, about a month and a half ago, I remember seeing ads for Calm (the meditation app) that they were looking for a new voice to voice their sessions, and I heard Misi and I thought, Misi has a great voice for Calm, so I told him about it. We use radios for inter-department contact on the island, 'cos there's no cellphone reception, and every time I hear Misi's voice just saying "roger that", it's so distinct and soothing, it makes me smile, whilst I'm doing something completely unrelated at work. The way I feel about Misi on this island makes me think of when I started falling for Joey in 2016. I was in a bubble by myself in LA, and Joey would talk about cars and stars, and I was basically absorbing something new every day and it made me happy not to think of real life. Here and now, Misi tells me about birds and bull kelp, and takes care of me when I'm being stupid on weed, and this bubble has been quite a lovely, lovely life experience. 

Yesterday, I went out on a boat with Cutter, he's such a sweet man, I saw three humpback whales, so that's the first time I saw whales in my life. I also did another first, because Cutter let me drive his boat, and it was fucking amazing. I am way better at driving a boat than driving a car, because there's no traffic out there (besides whales), and Cutter said I had the biggest smile on my face while I was driving the boat.

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