Sunday, March 11, 2018


I have a new nightmare that when I’m in the cage being lowered to see the sharks in the water, the chain somehow breaks and the cage sinks and the sharks follow it/me down in the sea and I’m fucking drowning and that would be the worst way to die and I keep picturing it in my head and I most definitely have to do this thing by the end of this year or I will make it into an even gorier Final Destination scenario and the pit in my stomach will never end.


One time, I was in an Uber in LA, and the driver made conversation ‘cos he knew I wasn’t from there (or not — I mean, they make conversation with everyone over there, so whatever) and he asked what my name was so I told him Sarah Lyana. He said “oooh that sounds like Sierra Leone, you know what that means?” I said I didn’t, so he told me it means mountain lion. Dyou know that another name for mountain lion is cougar? It is no wonder I like younger boys. Geeeeez.

One of my very favourite books is We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, it is pretty much a transcript of her TED talk of the same title. Please either read the book (it is a way short one, I bought it at the airport to read during a flight but finished it in 20 minutes before I even boarded) or watch the clip.

This is one of my very favourite quotes by her:
Of course I am not worried about intimidating men. The type of man who will be intimidated by me is exactly the type of man I have no interest in.
I loooooove it. Every day I try to remind myself, don’t fold into yourself, Sarah, don’t tone down, don’t bend, don’t make yourself smaller to fit into the space that a man will allow you. Don’t, not anymore. I am not worried anymore. The type of men who are turned off by me, is the type of men I am not interested in.


I once had a colleague whom I was rather pally with, but in a pally way, because he was attached and I knew he was attached. I mean, sure, I could look at his face without wanting to vomit and sure, I laughed at his jokes, but then I did that with all my friends, male or female, attached or single. Whenever his girlfriend came around to our workplace, though, she would never smile at me nor even actually talk to me, and I did not know why, I tried to be polite and cordial. Then I found out that colleague of mine had cheated on her previously, and then I realised, what the fuck, couldn’t be me, I would never be able to continue being with someone who has cheated on me because, what the hell is the point, if I’m always going to be looking over his shoulder? My Lord, and that lack of trust, and the misdirected angst and distrust, I mean, I had never done anything wrong, it was him who had cheated. Other women are not the problem. If your man is loyal, it doesn’t matter what woman is in front of him, not even Alicia Vikander. Well, not unless you and your man have that Friends-inspired arrangement where you each get a free pass if you saw a celebrity and slept with them once. But I ain’t no celebrity, and I don’t know any couple who have that arrangement, anyway. Geez. Could. Not. Be. Me.

Anyway, today was their wedding day, as I saw from Instagram. That’s why I’m talking about it. Couldn’t be me. And I am so glad for that. I just wish all women knew men ain’t shit and that women deserve better.