Tuesday, March 12, 2019


I really like being in a relationship. I like being one half of a whole. I think it's silly to justify the fact that I want to be in a relationship, because good relationships are great. You have a best friend whom you can talk to about many things, most things, everything if you're really lucky. You can tell them you're having cramps and they will cuddle you and get you chocolate. You can tell them your family members, or work, or politics or anything in life is tiring you out, and they'll listen to you. You watch TV shows that you may never have watched without each other. You sleep in someone's arms, and you feel great telling someone you love them and being told they love you before you drift off to sleep. Sometimes you have sex before going to sleep, sometimes when you wake up together, and sometimes just in the middle of the night, if you're both feeling lucky. You have someone to send memes to, and dress up for, and you can cook for each other, you can cook and eat together. You remember each other's favorite snacks when you shop for groceries and it feels great both to be the person getting that snack for your loved one and to receive that snack from your loved one. It's great if you both think of each other as snacks, which is why I tend to date only men I'm physically attracted to, and on the flipside, it can't be any different because which man wouldn't think I'm a snack? :P Sometimes it hurts because you fight and have to compromise but then you remember that they were in your corner fighting for you against your own demons, so you realize it's worth losing parts of yourself when you're getting so much more in return. When you go to the movies, you have someone's shoulder to lean on, and when you're walking on the sidewalk, you have someone's hand to hold, and when you go to parties, you have each other's looks to catch to signal that you'd rather be home Netflix and Chilling together than at this party of people you barely even know.


Today I'm having a messy hair day. I washed my hair and it's drying into a big, all-over-the-place nest. On my way to work it reminded me of another day I'd looked like this, and I was honestly looking a trashy mess. A guy approached me in the train, gave me his namecard and asked me to text him because he wanted to take me to dinner. This had and has never happened to me in Singapore, before nor since. I took a chance and went out with him. He's an investment banker with CreditSuisse, I looked him up on LinkedIn and stuff and he's legit. I couldn't tell what his ethnicity was, neither from his name nor from his looks. Dinner was alright, but I could tell I wouldn't want to see him again, but he was so insistent on us meeting a second time, it was so scary. I remember feeling really pressed to get away in a cab. Since that night, I've felt that people who have money are scary. They think money can do anything and that they can get whatever they want. This was two years ago. I'd blocked his number on my old iPhone but when I changed phones last year, the blocking didn't stick and I found him trying to call me on multiple platforms again. All this to say, the world makes no sense. I wish that technology in one of the Black Mirror episodes exists, the one where you can block people from your actual sight. Is that the White Christmas ep? I think so.