Friday, February 15, 2019

OH SARAH

How do you tell someone you miss them? How do you say life is short, fuck it, please think of me? How do you express the fact that being calm and cool is breaking you down, in a world that has demonised having feelings as weakness? I'm so tired. I just wish someone would fight as hard as I would. God knows the benchmark would not be set so high if I weren't such a fighter.

H'SUAN WEN HUA



Me on my bed reading these posts, actually shouting to myself: I WILL ONLY ACCEPT SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME THE WAY BARACK LOVES MICHELLE ALL OTHER APPLICATIONS ARE CLOSED
Also me: *clutches at my stomach from my period*
Me: why I gotta be so damn dramatic tho?

AUTONOMY

I'm on day two of my period and as usual, it's uncomfortable enough to keep me awake. This is after I've popped two Advils to avoid the regular excruciating cramps. I'm considering removing my ovaries, more and more, but I'm a little worried my life partner might want kids. I know adoption is an extremely viable option that I'm increasingly inclined towards, and my body is my body is my body and if a man thinks any less of me if I can't have kids then what the fuck am I with such a man for, right? But, I don't know, I've changed my mind about some pretty serious things in life in the past three years, what if one day I really find someone I want to start a family with and actually want my own kids? Jeez. Will there come a time I will value my blood relatives over someone I could adopt? Why do I have to be a woman in this world? Decisions, decisions, decisions.