Sunday, March 10, 2019


I don't think I've said this here, but the Ben I used to date in Singapore, he and I had a little something happen while I was in New York. His name is Benjamin, so to avoid confusing y'all, I will refer to them by their full names in this post. Benjamin and I met as friends, after I'd broken up with Adam. The second time I met Benjamin in New York, it was the week I'd also started to date Bennett. At that time, Bennett and I were not yet an item but I liked him a lot, but of course I used to be with Benjamin in Singapore and there were old feelings. At the end of that week, Bennett asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend, and I did, and I really liked him, but the next day, I met Benjamin 'cos he'd arranged to bring me to Alexander Hamilton's grave, and to go to museums. I went, and I told Benjamin that Bennett and I had gotten together-together, like an item. He got upset 'cos he hadn't expected it, although I had told him about Bennett while I was dating him. Benjamin then said it was unfair, that I'd gone to New York and gotten together with Adam, then even Bennett, and that I was "shoving it in his face". I told Benjamin that I thought we were friends and I treated him as a friend by telling him about the men I was dating, but he wasn't ready. I told him he was the one who dumped me when we were dating long-distance after he'd gone back to New York from Singapore. I told him that hurt me because that was when I was still unstable and hadn't gone for proper therapy, and I asked him why he broke up with me then, if he still liked me. He said he only broke up because we were not in the same place, and he didn't see us being physically together, but now that I'd made my way to New York, he realized he wouldn't ever underestimate me again. After that day when he brought me to Hamilton's grave, I told him we could only be friends through our entire lives, because I was done, and I couldn't feel the same anymore. I'm not looking for temporary dates who are only there when times are good and easy, I want someone who can see a future with me, who's in it for the long haul. I'm not even asking for help to uproot myself and implant myself in the US, all I need is someone who sees my worth and will wait and be by my side through it. It is not on me if anyone doesn't fight for me or with me, and then thinks they are entitled to me. If you allow me to do it on my own in my tough times, then why on earth would I want you to be my partner when things are easy?


So here are the things my future husband will have to do before we get married. I'll come back and edit this post whenever anything pops up in my mind. He has to have read Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson, we are going to dance to the choreography that Allison and Luther do in the episode The Day That Wasn't from The Umbrella Academy, he has to get me a first-gen PlayStation and a copy of Spyro: Year of the Dragon for me to complete, and he has to love me like Barack loves Michelle Obama (although I'm not sure how measurable this last one is). All in all, not the most impossible of lists. I find it way more meaningful than, say, a skywritten proposal or anything like that.


I was watching S8E22 of Shark Tank and there was this guy Rick who has a business called Under The Weather. The pitch was going so cute, the sharks were laughing and having fun. Then the entrepreneur starts talking about his journey to starting the business and he tells the story of how his brother who was his partner, died in a car accident because of snow and skidding. The entrepreneur starts tearing and it's the first time I've seen all five sharks have actual tears in their eyes, and it was so sad, the poor man was so vulnerable and wow. I've seen so much Shark Tank in the past three weeks but this was a first. Owwww, bless his heart.