Wednesday, June 3, 2020


I spent the morning going through Instagram posts of cast members that were on Terrace House at the same time that Hana was. Hana was quite the character, she had pink hair and was a pro-wrestler and was completely batshit awkward with guys she liked, because she felt she didn't fit into the effeminate mold expected by traditional Japanese society. She was only twenty-two when she commited suicide. She was on Terrace House, an extremely popular international franchise following six strangers who live in one house and eventually become a family. 

I think previous cast members have dealt with the sudden catapult into fame, sometimes after having witnessed their own bad behaviours they would receive lots of mean threats and would have to close off their Instagram comments, etc. The panelists (who are the funniest part of the show) would sometimes help by softening the blow and reminding viewers that these people are just fallible human beings, after all. I hope that moving forward, if Terrace House resumes filming again after the COVID quarantine, they have better mental health resources to help the younger or more vulnerable ones cope. 

It doesn't work in a linear manner, when celebrities come into the limelight and fame, they usually have some financial success so they're able to negate some of the scrutiny by engaging PR services or therapists to share some of their burdens with. The cast members on Terrace House are sometimes only just starting out their careers, people like Ruka who got called pathetic by viewers the whole world over, they haven't come into any money yet, and may not know how to deal at all. 

When you were nineteen or twenty-two, you would have been a dumb piece of shit who did not know anything about anything. Hell, when I was twenty-six, I was still making mistakes like getting pregnant and not knowing what to do about it. When these young 'uns apply to be a part of the show, they're likely to see the fun and adventure of living with strangers and potentially finding love, but being in the world spotlight is something most celebrities have a love-hate relationship with.


I had a therapy session today. It was overwhelming and intense, as I offloaded all my thoughts and feelings that had accumulated with the world news and situations. We were both worried, I was confused by my mess of feelings and she was unsure between whether to validate my feelings of anger and frustration, and to calm me down so I could move forward with some hope, benefiting both myself and my life. I have three more complimentary sessions before she may start charging me at the end of the quarantine. I'm not sure yet. 

I went for a 5km run with my lululemon colleagues, separately but connected virtually. We did it to each pay a meal forward to the healthcare workers on the frontline in Singapore. While running, I realized my arm muscles don't feel like they've gotten any more defined since isolation began two months ago. I just have to remind myself that life is chess, not checkers. 

This morning, I wondered if there is an app on which you buy meals from black-owned businesses, and pay it forward to black families, whom I would imagine must be exhausted by the past week, and years, even if they haven't been out protesting. If you know an app developer who could help me with this, please point me to them. Again, I would make a disclaimer that you can and should do this with any underprivileged community, anywhere you are, if you can. I'm just saying, on top of what you can do for those people, I think black people everywhere may need some more help this week, and meals are a good way to sustain them and their hope, just one day at a time. In the meantime, if you know any black individuals or families in need, I'm trying to find black-owned businesses that do gift cards, so I can buy them online gift cards for meals.