Friday, February 12, 2021

BACK AND FORTH FROM NEW YORK


One of my favorite songs by Taylor is Daylight and in the spoken outro of the studio version, she says some stuff that I really like: 

I wanna be defined by the things that I love 
not the things I hate 
not the things that I'm afraid of 
not the things that haunt me in the middle of the night 
I just think that you are what you love 

So I wrote out all the things I love, because there's so much to love, and I look forward to loving all these things every now and again:

Arranging things in alphabetical order, being able to codeswitch, being and feeling appreciated, being at peace, being at the beach, being away from my phone and not using it, being financially secure, being in love, breathing deeply to ground myself, bright colors, completing a difficult task and doing it well, cooking with someone I love, cuddling with someone I love, doing absolutely nothing on the first day of my period, doing the right thing, doing well at a meaningful job, doing well in my studies, drinks — chocolate milk, egg coffee, horchata, hot chocolate, Long Island iced tea, milk, Milo, Nestum, soy milk, sugar cane juice, water; experimenting with hair and makeup looks, feeling my toned upper arm muscles, feeling secure no matter my weight, flirting with someone I like who is flirting back, foods — all things cinnamon, all things ginger, apples, apple cinnamon muffins, ayam lemak chili padi, bagels with any topping, bagels with lox, bak kut teh, bananas, banana bread, beef jerky, begedil, boiled baby carrots with melted butter, butter chicken, butter sugar toast, caramelized onions, cheese-stuffed jalapeƱo peppers, cherry tomatoes, chicken rice, chili crab, clear tom yum soup, corn soup, dim sum, durian, eggplant, eggs, enoki mushrooms wrapped in bacon or beef, fajitas, fall-off-the-bone ribs, fettucine, grapes, green curry, hummus, KBBQ, Kettle honey dijon chips, lasagna, lettuce wraps at KBBQ, lobster bisque, mala, mandarin oranges, mango, mangosteen, McDonald’s in Singapore, medium-rare steak, Muscat grapes, naan, nasi ambeng, onion soup, oysters, panna cotta at Scaled, pears, Peking duck, pumpkin soup, ramen with leftover fridge ingredients, rendang, sashimi, seared scallops, shaksouka, soft and chewy cookies, strawberries, tacos, tahu telur, tauhuay, the tri-tip I had at Lake Tahoe, tomato soup, warm buttered bread with EVOO and balsamic vinegar, warm sweet potato at Ushigoro S. Ginza, wasabi, watermelon, yogurt; games on PlayStation — Harvest Moon, Spyro; getting a good haircut and scalp massage, getting a good full-body massage, getting a manicure, getting a foot massage, getting enough sleep, getting to see a rainbow, going somewhere for the first time, going to therapy and experiencing growth, going to the zoo, having a much-needed cry, having a painless period, having and taking painkillers right when I need them, having clear skin, having freedom, having freshly-cut nails, having healthy hair, having my own physical space, having nothing on my to-do list, having someone comb their fingers through my hair, having time to take care of my mental health, having zero notifications on all apps, holding hands with someone I love, ice cream — Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie, black sesame, earl grey, hokey pokey, lavender, matcha, pistachio, the homemade sticky date ice-cream I had at Tahoe, vanilla bean; laughing until I’m crying tears, laughing until I’m out of breath, learning something new, making lists, making puns, masturbating, meditating when I need to, memes that make me laugh, movies — (500) Days of Summer, Atonement, Before Sunrise, Disney’s Mulan (1998), Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Get Out, Her, La La Land, Little Miss Sunshine, Moulin Rouge, Pan's Labyrinth, Parasite, Promising Young Woman, Stardust (2007), The Princess Bride, The Truman Show, V for Vendetta, Wall•E; music — Ingrid Michaelson, Jason Mraz, Lorde, Muse, Sara Bareilles, Taylor Swift; musicals — Hamilton, Spring Awakening; my cat Mochi, my sunflower tattoo, numbers — 11, 13, 17 and 28; playing in heavy rain when I have nothing to do, practising good time management, reading, receiving cunnilingus, Roald Dahl’s true short story Genesis and Catastrophe, rubbing peppermint oil on my stomach to relieve bloatedness, running my fingers through a man’s hair, seeing compassion in the world, seeing my friends and family happy and receiving what they desire, sleeping in on a rainy day, sleeping soundly through the night, sleeping without having to set an alarm, smelling good — Chanel No. 5 EDP, Lush Twilight body spray; snow, snuggling under a thick blanket, soaking in a bubble bath, socialism, spending time by myself, spending time with babies, sunflowers, sunshine, sweats — bouldering, boxing, cycling, stretching, swimming; taking a long shower at the end of a long day, taking a pile of warm clothes out of the dryer on a cold day, tea — chamomile, earl grey, English Breakfast, ginger tea, hojicha; the atmosphere and live music at concerts, the color pink, the concept of butterflies starting hurricanes and the song Butterflies and Hurricanes by Muse, the screechy sound my sneakers make against smooth surfaces, trivia, TV series — Avatar: The Last Airbender, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Hasan Minhaj’s Patriot Act, Jeopardy, Parks and Rec, The Good Place; watching female-produced porn, watching people I admire — Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Bernie Sanders, Hasan Minhaj; watching snails, wearing comfortable shoes, when all my sisters are healthy, winning prizes in contests, witnessing marginalized communities receive compensation and reparations, word games — Codenames, Taboo, Wordsy; writing