Wednesday, April 17, 2019

THE CIVIL WARS

You know the guy whom I went on a Tinder date with two weeks ago? We'd mutually decided not to see each other romantically, but then he said he liked the things we talked about and my personality or whatever, and would like to stay friends. I declined. If you are a younger girl or any-gendered person reading this at any time between now and the time the world ends from human-induced destruction, I want to tell you that this is okay. If you don't want to stay friends with someone, it is okay. If someone doesn't want to stay friends with you, it is also okay. Sometimes I don't want to stay friends with an ex because I have too many feelings for them, and sometimes they don't want to stay friends with me because they have too many feelings for me. Sometimes you can both have many feelings for each other and still somehow like each other enough as friends to really stay friends, with nothing complicating it, and that's okay. Sometimes someone could get you pregnant and you could mess up each other's lives for years, and still somehow you want to talk to and be friends with each other. Friendships are a type of relationship and any relationship that requires interaction with another human being is going to be nuanced, complex and will take time to navigate before you can settle into a routine with ease. You will find that some friendships require more emotional labor and manoeuvring and at any time you find that the labor is more than the comfort the friendship brings you, it is okay to say you don't want the friendship anymore. I am a very sociable person, I am an extrovert, a thot that loves attention, but after years of dating and ending friendships (even platonic ones with girls), I find that I'm okay, and it's okay to cut off ties if you don't have the energy for it. Friendships and relationships take time and money and energy and your interest to be invested in someone else, and you are allowed to choose who you feel is worth all those things.

WEIRD FLEX, BUT OK

If you haven't cried in six years, you are not okay and this is actually not okay.


Today I was a good sister, good daughter, good friend and good colleague, all at separate times, so. Today is a win. If I don't get in college, whatever, man, I'm already a great person. Who needs a cert to tell me I'm brilliant and amazing?? It's your loss, COLLEGES OF NEW YORK. /passive-aggression

(Actually still waiting, sighz)

One of my favorite anecdotes of New York was the time Adam and I were in an UberPool. So we'd gotten into a shared ride first, then the driver picked up a gay couple. We were trying to make conversation, and the couple were still quite cordial, but then they said they were on the way to a Christmas party attended by gays, and they had to finish watching the latest episode of RuPaul's Drag Race that had just dropped, because they didn't want to be spoiled at the party. 

Adam and I acquiesced of course, and let them watch the ep together on their phone. I swear it felt so quintessentially New York, I love what a hot mess this goddamn world is sometimes, it makes no sense and I adore it. I miss Adam sometimes, I think we could be better as friends but dang, dating each other was not so great.