Monday, October 26, 2020

YOU HAD TO KILL ME
BUT IT KILLED YOU JUST THE SAME

I didn't have it in myself 
to go with grace 
cause when I'd fight, 
you used to tell me I was brave 
and if I'm dead to you 
why are you at the wake? 
cursing my name 
wishing I stayed 
look at how my tears ricochet 

and I can go anywhere I want 
anywhere I want 
just not home 
and you can aim for my heart, 
go for blood 
but you would still miss me 
in your bones 
and I still talk to you 
when I'm screaming at the sky 
and when you can't sleep at night 
you hear my stolen lullabies

According to my sister, I have night terrors. None of my exes ever told me this so I'm not sure if it's only happened in recent years. Apparently my thrashing and flailing during my sleep is strong enough to wake her up sometimes. I don't remember if I slept well by myself when I was in New York. I don't remember sleeping by myself very often, ever in my life. I thought I slept better with someone by my side, but I guess not.