Saturday, April 20, 2019


Currently, there is a big story blowing up in Singapore. It's about an undergraduate, Monica Baey (@monicabaey), who lives in one of the dorms of NUS, Eusoff Hall. NUS is the National University of Singapore, the top university in Singapore, and regularly ranked among the top in the world, in terms of academic performance. Monica was filmed while showering, by a fellow NUS undergrad who lives in Eusoff Hall, a Nicholas Lim studying chemical engineering. His only excuse? He was under the influence of alcohol. Bro, in what universe does being intoxicated lead you to even consider filming someone in the shower, and think it's the right thing to do? If you're that intoxicated, you probably wouldn't be capable. If you weren't that intoxicated, you're in control of your actions. The worst part is he was only suspended for one semester, during which he's apparently already gotten a job in the insurance industry, and the school has said they wouldn't take any further action against him unless he makes another wrong move in school. Already, there are comments on her Instagram saying that she's trying to seek attention and that he's already sought recourse by writing a letter of "apology", so his future shouldn't be further destroyed. First of all, he didn't even proofread his letter, it's been posted on her social media, and even as an outsider I feel like he only wrote it in a flurry because he had to, not because he felt any remorse. Secondly, he filmed someone in the shower and ruined her mental health and safety, and she has to seek redress with therapy and whatnot, and his future is the one at stake???? Third, why should a sexual offender be able to commit a crime twice before being justly punished? Was the first victim's duress not enough? When it comes to drugs, there's no second chance in Singapore. Why is there a discrepancy for sexual criminal activity? Is it the patriarchy in Singapore manifesting itself? Monica has been interviewed and has spoken on her own social media. Hundreds if not thousands of comments from the other universities and schools in Singapore have piped in, saying that the universities in Singapore, much like every other establishment on this island, care so much about their public image, that this has definitely not been the first few times this has happened. Victims have always been told to keep quiet any time this happens, and that's why perpetrators keep doing it. There is no deterrent if the institutions don't take it seriously enough to side with the victims. It's time that Singapore grew up and moved forward with the rest of the progressive world. Remember perpetrators' names. Remember Brock Turner. Remember Nicholas Lim. We're going to believe women.


I'm at work and if one more thing happens I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. I only have three more hours to the end of this work day. And then I get to go home and take a long shower and wash away this entire week. Of advocating for my sister. Of trying to mend bridges with one of the loves of my life. Of just being frustrated with the state of things in Singapore and my inability to change them. This day will end. This week will end.


I had a very long day at work. I don't know what it is about a bank holiday that just brings out the worst in retail customers, they are just dreadful, as if basic human decency also took a day off along with Good Friday. The physical exhaustion seeped into my mentality a little bit, and I just feel slightly defeated today, on everyone's behalf. I want to make apologies and I want to help and fix everyone, even if whatever broke them was about seven degrees separated from what I have ever affected in my life. I want to say, I'm sorry for causing a rift in your romantic life, I have never really meant to do it. I have never known your relationship status, so to be honest, I really never know what the situation is and what the acceptable response should be. I want to say, I'm sorry to your parents, and perhaps to mine, this must be a rude shock for any parent to find out about. I want to say, to all my exes' exes (the weird thing is my decades-ago-ex-boyfriends' ex-girlfriends-from-decades-ago read this and I will never understand why) that I must have been problematic at some point of time. I don't like female rivalry, I really, truly don't. I hate feeling like "fuck he's dating someone cuter now" because you know what, if any of my exes is dating someone cuter, good on both of you! I hope you both like each other and love each other and y'all are happy, and I wish this for all my exes, and my exes' exes. If, like me, you are an ex's ex and are single, then I hope you know that I am going to quote the Tinder profile that has been featured on Buzzfeed or wherever. The most precious person in the world, by the name of Jill, wrote this in her bio "Listen, I need to be clear about this: I think it is brave and good and pure of you to be looking for love and I know it can be really hard and defeating at times (we've all been there) but I hope that you don't let some stupid app make you feel any less valuable, loveable and worthy than you are. We might not match, not everyone is everyone's type, but I'm rooting for you and I hope you find what you're looking for." I am rooting for you, whoever you are. This goes out to an amalgamate of everyone I've dated or some form of person I've been: I hope you solve those daddy issues, I hope you stop gaslighting people, I hope you see a therapist and remember how to have feelings, I hope you stop allowing yourself to be gaslit, I hope you learn to trust again, I hope you let someone else in, I hope you find your happiness, I hope you heal. I'm rooting for you, and I'm rooting for me, and I'm really rooting for the person who's also looking for me, so they can root for me too.