Wednesday, July 8, 2020


I had a therapy session this morning. I brought up a recent thing between Lucas and I, and my therapist is trying to get me to be comfortable using the "and" stance. This is when I think of an incident in my story or from my perspective, I think about the incident from his perspective and I reconcile that what I feel and experience can be true and valid, AND the things that he feels can be true and valid, at the same time. This may sound logical to anyone else, but it's quite foreign to me. I don't know why, I just was never taught the exercise. I don't know why I think in false binaries and dichotomies and as if everything is a zero sum game. My therapist is trying to get me to eventually be able to have difficult conversations, by myself. I don't know about you but I'm not a fan of difficult conversations. However, I am an adult now, and I can do the adult thing, and that means having the difficult conversation. I also told her about the unexpected thing that happened. I framed it rather positively, or at least I said I saw growth, because I think there has indeed been growth and development, so she received it positively, or perhaps she has a little different of an impression than she cares to let on. Tomorrow I vote for the second time in my life, and then I can wind down and breathe for a little while.


I had a very good day. I collected a pair of sneakers that I'd won in a contest. I had dinner with Noran. I'd missed her and it was so good catching up. I was doing alright for a year or so but now before I sleep, I spend an hour wondering why people do the things they do. Maybe it means nothing. Maybe it's all just Rick and Morty. I keep rambling to myself and giggling, and nobody knows why, except for one person, but do they even know? Do they????? I have no clue. Today was a good day and I've almost had two solid good weeks, and all I need now is just some relatively good election results this Friday, please and thank you. Please, Singapore, please. Also I'm just trying to write this out but my sister is talking nonsense to me so I'm out, gotta tune in to her now.