Sunday, August 2, 2020


there goes the loudest woman 
this town has ever seen
I had a marvellous time
ruining everything 

I am still very much enjoying the discovery of folklore. I like the feeling of having slightly different thoughts and emotions each time I immerse myself in a track. One day, years from now, I will listen to the same tracks and think about this time in Singapore, perhaps. I have loved having Taylor Swift as the artist I grew up with. On New Year's Eve turning into 2015, I sang (meaning I butchered) Mean in a dive bar in front of a man whose parents lived in a cosy house in Topanga. I always sing Mean at karaoke, always. Then a man played Love Story while I watched him on his turntables, and I have never associated the song with anyone else since. Last year, I watched the Reputation tour concert on Netflix with Lucas, and he somehow got brainwashed into thinking he likes her music, although he's never listened to the songs from the album again. I really like this album. I like how the aesthetic is her with braided hair walking in a black and white portrait of the woods, and I cannot wait to fulfill my cottagecore fantasies in Canada with folklore as my soundtrack. 

I know you think I'm crazy, but I always feel an affinity with Taylor. When she released 1989, I was all happy and I was dancing in LA to Shake It Off, etc, and I hadn't had The Miscarriage. Then Reputation dropped and I also had a lot of angst at men and my mother and in general. Last year, I fell in love, and Lover was released, and it was very pink and gold and rose-tinted and infatuated. Now, folklore is here, and there is a lyric of how Taylor is now buying gifts for her exes' babies. She's outgrown her angst and pettiness and I feel a little bit like that too. It's in the way I remind myself that sometimes when I'm feeling out of sorts, it could just be a simple primal human unmet need: have I slept enough and do I need to sleep? It's in the way I'm adulting and have paid my annual medical insurance premium and my second student loan interest instalment even though I haven't even commenced my studies. One day, as testament to how adult I am, I will drop my studies and start a dropshipping business and completely give no fucks about and buy into consumerism and capitalism, and that's how you know I have become An Adult, because adults are sellouts. 

I had a whole other thing on my mind but wow I went on a Taylor tangent. Did you know I'm still collecting a list of rich people I can email about partial sponsorships of my studies? I include my PayPal and Venmo and all sorts of things and I think my emails are always very funny, except when I'm depressed. Or maybe they're even funnier then. I was watching the second season of the F1 show on Netflix, Drive to Survive, and they showed an investor in Haas, who's actually dropped off, he owns a company called Rich Energy, which is like, the most douchebag name for a company? Like, who greenlights this shit, don't these people have devil's advocates? Speaking of F1, I still think Carlos Sainz has a perfect face and you cannot change my mind. Also, one of Lucas' housemates is a triathlete who competes for his country (now suspended because) and his bicycle is made of carbon fibre so it's the lightest thing ever, and I was amazed at how I could lift it easily! Lucas says it's what F1 cars are made of, so they are light, too. 

I met my SYNC group members for the first time this week after the lockdown. We're writing a proposal together to submit to a grant for funds that will funnel into mental health in Singapore. I feel very encouraged, and I'm actually glad I have more time before school to nurture it into existence. We had a really good session, we had dinner before starting work and asked questions to get to know one another, and I was so pleasantly relieved to find that we were mostly on the same wavelength, even humor-wise.