Tuesday, March 27, 2018


I am not feeling very mentally nor physically well. My head is burning up and so are the backs of my eyelids and my brain is throbbing and my back hurts but I’m shivering cold and I don’t know why. I feel like I’ve been running into too many things that remind me of Joey and I’ve been suppressing myself from thinking or feeling anything and I don’t know where my pills are, the ones that numb my anxiety and thoughts. I was in the cab home from work ‘cos I had no energy to take the train and my co-workers made me take a cab for fear I would faint, and I really wanted to fling myself out the door while we were on the highway, but I know I can’t do that to my mum. I’m in pain. Can someone, anyone who reads this, please check on me tomorrow? I need help. I don’t know why this is happening.


The scars under my arms are from the endoscopic thoracic sympathectomy surgery I underwent, to remove the sweat glands in my palms, because I used to have palmar hyperhidrosis which means I used to perspire incessantly from my palms, they perspired extensively and all the time. I would wet exam papers, other people’s hands, gadgets, I spoiled my laptop keyboard because the sweat would pool up. There are some stories that, whenever I tell someone who is only transitory in my life, I wonder when I will be able to stop. I wonder when I will stop meeting another new man who will ask me why I have scars under my arms.