I’ve had, what is for me, an ideal weekend. Now, I say that with the caveat, because of course I know everyone’s ideals are different and when you read about my weekend, you could be like, ew I wouldn’t want that, but I wanted it, I highly enjoyed and appreciated it, and it was my ideal weekend, and so I wanted to pen it down, just because not all weekends are ideal for me, not every hour and every day in a row.
I had therapy on Friday morning, where I got to rant about the horror that is living in this world in the body that I inhabit, and then I had an appointment with my nurse practitioner. My NP actually had some concerning news for me, that I didn’t even expect, so we’re tweaking my medication, and then I’ll have to get blood work done again in a couple of weeks to see if it’s helped. The news from my NP wasn’t ideal, but I’ve only started regularly going for medical checkups when I got to Canada, and I really like the consistency of getting to know my body, and helping it along in the course of my life. It’s one of the virtuous cycles that happen to help my brain and body understand that I care enough to take steps to care for them, which then I think just keeps getting me to feel better, overall.
Then I met Sara for lunch, and honestly, she reminds me of my younger sister Lyssa and how they approach life. One time, Lyssa threw an egg onto our family’s car because she was beefing with our mom, leading Mom to think for the longest time that one of our neighbours was hate-criming our family. It’s very funny and amuses me how they’re like “if you’re gonna create problems for me, I’ll do it right back to you,” whereas in my head, everybody’s problems are my problems and I stress out over it all, when I literally try to be as unproblematic as I can be. Anyway, I obviously admire Sara very much in her demeanour and her strength and resilience, so I love spending time with people who inspire me.
Post-lunch, I took the ferry to Vancouver because I’d had a dumpster fire of a week, professionally, so I wanted a respite from the island. I met a man whom I’d matched with on Bumble, but we hadn’t quite had the longest of conversations so, it was all a very eye-opening experience. He picked me up from Horseshoe Bay Ferry Terminal, which, for my Singaporean friends and family, is one of the terminals on the mainland that receives ferries from Nanaimo. We got to his place, and I was immediately in awe because the first place it reminded me of was The Vault, my favourite cafe in Nanaimo. His apartment is a loftish type thing, with high ceilings and windows and the bedroom overlooking the living area. One of the walls was plastered in art, and not like the snobbyish hoity-toity kinda art, but just very eclectic and cool and things I would think are important and I would like, so it was basically The Vault, right. I posted photos, and several people also thought it was either The Vault with renovations or that it very much resembled The Vault.
So there I was, in amazement that someone’s living situation was basically like my favourite place in all of Nanaimo, somewhere I feel safe and gravitate to and visit pretty much once a week at least. We chatted to get to know each other, and then he made dinner for us. It was somewhat Japanese in part, he made agedashi tofu and eggplant, and there was also rice and God knows what, all made while I’d picked up his copy of The Fellowship of the Ring and started reading it. Dinner was tasty, and also very well-presented, I wanted to take a photo but it was also the first time I was having dinner with this person, so I didn’t.
That “date” was about 36 hours long, from when I arrived in Vancouver on Friday evening to when I left him on Sunday morning. In between, he made breakfast for me, and then took me to hotpot because I’d said I was definitely in the mood for hotpot in the chillier fall weather. He made the reservation for hotpot, and whilst we were there, I also noticed that everything he cooked, he would give me the first serving before serving himself the same thing. It was my first time at Liuyishou in Vancouver, and I would deffo recommend it! Hotpot is hotpot is hotpot, but some soup bases are simply not worth going for, so Liuyishou has good options, and attentive servers too.
Throughout that 36-hour period, we talked about a lot of things, as you can when you’re spending every waking hour in the same living space, and it was very comfortable, very easy conversation, very enjoyable. I also highly enjoyed being intimate with him. If you do not know me, you should know that I’m very physically affectionate, I love hugs and tracing shapes on someone’s skin, and holding hands, and using the back of my palm to gently rub someone’s cheeks, etc etc. Cuffing season is upon us, so it was definitely nice to do all those things with someone whose skin temperature felt good on mine.
On Sunday morning, I left early to get my new tattoo done. When you do see it, if you are my family you might shake your head and be more disappointed with me, but I am unreasonably happy about this one. It says “I’m sure you can’t find the 4th object” and it’s just the caption at the top of the game ads that play between Facebook or Instagram posts. You know when there are literally only three items in the image, but then to clickbait you they say “I’m sure you can’t find the 4th object.” Well, it’s now done on my right forearm, and I’m happy with it for multiple reasons. My first two tattoos, I wanted them to have so much meaning and I thought about them for quite some whiles, but eventually because they’re both on my back, I don’t even see them nor remember they exist. I wanted one that was more prominent because I think I’ve reached the stage where, if you’ve already got a tattoo, what the heck is another one? The other thing that makes me happy is I’m actually pretty glad it’s an obscure dank meme that no one gets, it strikes me as pretty hilarious. The tattoo artist and I also had a good chat and he filmed some amusing content for his page after we were done.
Once the tattoo was done, I took the bus to Alessia’s place and got to crunch some auburn autumn leaves in my Marceline boots, so that also added to the ideal nature of the weekend. Alessia and I got ready then went to have KBBQ at Kook, which I really enjoyed again! Piping hot rice-heavy Asian food in the fall? Sign me up again and again and again. Alessia was looking very pretty and hot yesterday, and honestly I don’t understand how women like us get fumbled all the time, except I do know this world is stacked against turning out competent and exceptional men, so I guess I do understand, it’s just hard to accept.
Alessia and I have come such a long way from our first summer together four years ago. I truly cherish my friendship with her. Yes we made excellent roommates, and we do fun things together and immerse ourselves in girlhood, shriek-about-DMs-from-men type beat. But part of what makes our girlhood so strong is I think we’ve navigated some heavy issues, and I recently watched a Tiktok of a woman saying how men’s “friendships” could never (in general, of course, by and large).
About two years ago, Alessia and I had a conversation about some things that may always present themselves as maybe a little wrench in the clockwork of our friendship. I’ve told Alessia, that despite the surface agreements about cops and the policing system being a complete farce and harmful, and about the patriarchy and how men will never be able to reach the general standards of women because they’re just not even incentivised to do so, etc, despite many of our general consensus holding true for each other, based on the radical, politically-conscious and politically-involved person I am, I could never and may never feel 100% safe around her, and she knows that and tells me it’s valid. Like, we come from vastly different worlds, right, and even though she does tend to share her privilege with me, her priorities and mine tend to differ quite widely, and sometimes you could even say they’re in contention to each other’s interests. However, we’ve done the hard thing of talking about the uncomfortable, and will continue to do so, and I think that’s why it’s so easy for me to also treasure my fun times with her, because we’re not ignoring the obvious but folding it into our interactions with each other and our worlds.
It was an unexpectedly sunny Sunday yesterday, so we got ourselves Earnest Ice Cream, but then it got cold and windy because we were by the waterfront, so the vibes were completely off, but eventually we still laughed through it and I at least enjoyed the discomfort of it all. We saw an improv comedy show on Main Street, had a slice of pizza before coming home, and she drove me back to Horseshoe Bay this morning.
Overall, I literally could not and would not have changed a thing about my weekend (tl;dr good Asian food, warm and deep conversation, comedy and laughter, someone I love and am familiar with, a new tattoo, the crunch of fall leaves, people’s consideration of me and for me), and I’m immensely grateful for it.