Tuesday, March 6, 2018


In the past hour or so, I have been feeling at ease. Suddenly, the knowledge that everything is going to end, that the sun will run out of fuel, that humankind will cease to exist, that everything is meaningless, makes me feel much better. One day a couple of years down the road a Sarah will look back and wonder why I used to feel so much stress when there isn’t any need to. Whether I stay in Singapore, or move to the US, or move anywhere else, whatever happens, it really doesn’t bother me, lol. I don’t know how long this will last, until Trump enacts a ridiculous nationalistic Neo-Nazi policy? Until the next shooting that forces students to think about how to stay alive instead of how to do geometry? Until another big-scale sex scandal happens, forcing people to display their blatant disregard for feminist and gender equality issues? Until my mum inevitably polices what I wear? I dunno, we’ll see. My sister Melyssa was trying to show me a video of a dog who had had snow boots on his hind legs, causing him to walk an entire round on only his front paws, but before she could even find the video, she kept laughing uncontrollably. Life is alright. Even if it isn’t, even if it’s better than alright, or worse than alright, it’s still alright, because it will end. So it all works out to being alright. I wanted to see Dua Lipa but her tickets for Singapore are sold out, and I’m not paying more money to a scalper, so that’s alright. I mean, I like her songs enough on Spotify. Is this what it means to be a mentally-balanced adult? Maybe. We just have to see how long this lasts. What is going to set me off? I think tomorrow if Julien texts, I will let him know I don’t really want to date him anymore. I need a lot of attention (even text/online) and he doesn’t really give me much, lololol. It’s alright if you’re judging me for that, I am at least aware of my own boundaries and what I’m willing to settle for. That’s what dating is for.

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