Tuesday, June 5, 2018


I am in a cab to accompany my sister Lyssa to the breast clinic at KKH. She's got an appointment 'cos she has lumps in her breasts so the clinic is doing follow-up checks to know what they are, although the doctor did say there is probably nothing to worry about. My sister is one of my favorite people in the world, the other being my grandmother, and she is probably half the reason why I'm still here in Singapore, the other being my grandmother. My sister has bouts of depression because she lost the people closest to her from a very young age. Sometimes I think she isn't as strong as I am, sometimes I think I couldn't be as strong as her. I hope my sister is fine, because I am way too tired for any other scenario. I think about my mother when she battled stage three cancer, and I think my mother is also an exceptionally strong woman, and I know this, I held her in my arms when she was at her frailest, throwing up nothing but bile in the middle of the night, and I think my mother did not ask to get cancer, did not want to get hardened from the experience. And yet get hardened, she did. She doesn't believe in her own human strength, so she attributes it to a god. She thinks she was saved by the grace of a god she cannot see, and she would like all of us to be graced by the same god. Lyssa and I have always joked about the odds of one of us getting breast cancer, my mother has four daughters so the odds are really kinda stacked that one of us will have it sometime. Soon enough, we will know whether to remove Lyssa from those odds. Yesterday Lyssa and I planned to get her a Nintendo Switch in a tech online flash sale, and I thought it would help distract her, because she tends to be really depressed, and I cannot afford to bring her to migrate with me, so I thought of letting her play her games, that I can afford. There were only 5 units though, and we missed it, so I will perhaps have to get it at full price for her. But first, lumps in her breast.

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