Monday, March 04, 2019

DELICATE FUCKING FLOWER

So I did some work today but I also spent half an hour doing this for my desktop. I mean... Time that you enjoy is not time wasted, right?


Today, I had a guy that I matched but never met in New York, suddenly text me, and he said he was up to video chat if I was. I no longer had the text conversation or his number so did not know who he was, at all. I said I was back in Singapore, and he said he knew, so that means he must be following me somewhere, and that would also mean he would know about Ben. I declined his invitation and told him I'd gone through the online dating with someone else (Adam) only to find out we weren't what we expected each other to be. And then in the afternoon, my first ex-boyfriend, the one whom I never felt strongly for, also asked if I was up for coffee. He's also married, and he usually works overseas but he's back for a short break. I'm not really interested 'cos I wouldn't say we're friends, we don't keep in touch and never talk, so I don't know why we would even have coffee. To be honest, the only people I would ever want to meet again are probably Joey and Bennett. Joey, because I remember listening to this podcast where a woman meets a man who had once slept with her with a grey area of consent, and this had happened way back before date rape was a thing. They met, even after each of them had moved on and started families and it became a story of reconciliation and recovery, of sorts. If that kind of thing could give me closure, I wouldn't mind meeting Joey. I'm not hell-bent on it, but I'm not against it. However, I really think every other man I used to date needs to stay the hell away, I'm running out of excuses to give as to why I'm not interested in meeting. I just don't see a point. If we're not already friends, I don't want to be friends. (Just in case you needed this disclaimer, I'm not saying Joey ever did anything without my consent, I just meant we went through a weird, negative thing that I perhaps took really long to move on from, I don't know if it's possible to get closure, I don't even know if closure is a real thing. Also, every time I thought I could get closure from my dad by trying to be on healthy terms with him, he just disappoints me, until I just decided you know, I cannot and will not waste any more energy on this. Some people are just never going to be worth the effort and forgiveness. So closure? Can it happen? Who knows?)

No comments: