Saturday, May 18, 2019

KENDAMA

I received rejection emails from two of the colleges. I guess I've been expecting it, but of course I'm still really bummed. It makes me really sad and I feel like I wish I were better at life. It just feels like I've been living so haphazardly, and the worst part is that Singaporeans tend to have a cookie-cutter route in life, so I just feel more and more inadequate and incompetent. I know I'm not the only one trying and perhaps not succeeding at something, everybody has made attempts to improve their situations in life, everybody wants something, and sometimes don't ever get what they want. Some people want to study, some people want better work opportunities, some people want babies. I'm exhausted, it's been a tiring week and I just want to sleep. I saw a butterfly at work two nights ago, at first I was excited about it because butterflies are supposed to be a sign of change and metamorphosis, and now I realize it might have been dead, which would then signify stagnation, and the fact that no matter how hard you want it to, some things never change.

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