Sunday, June 02, 2019

LAVA LAMP





Lucas and I went for a jacuzzi and couples' massage session among some lush canopies, before a delicious brunch at one of the nicest bars on this island. Occasionally, I hear my family members or friends teasing that I only go for “angmohs” (white people) and I know they don't mean it maliciously, but there are plenty reasons why I actually do consciously do so. Men raised in Southeast Asia, particularly the communities I identify with, have internalized misogyny, and my peers have only very recently been taught to recognize it, let alone to unlearn such behaviors. I have not found a man my age who's gone for therapy, never been on a date with a local man who's acknowledged the privilege he carries. I've witnessed firsthand how toxic masculinity (but also systemic institutional racism) has driven the men among my loved ones to violence, to drink, to substance abuse, without ever considering that perhaps all these burdens could be lifted off their shoulders if they just spoke about their feelings, if they didn't depend on one singular woman as their therapist, best friend, lover and mother all in one. Don't get me wrong, I've dated many white men who are guilty of those same crimes, and I keep dating and learning, but praise to whomever deserves it, my boyfriend is as politically considerate as I could ever wish for. He says the right words, he believes the same things, he makes the right moves, both within the bedroom and without. Trying to find and give direction to life, which by nature is chaotic, while I have no monetary capital in this world, is draining and stressful, so it's nice for these little pockets of being pampered. I love you, Lucas. (Alternative caption: matched on OKCupid, treated like a SeekingArrangement sugar baby 💯) #love #brunch #singapore #okcupid #green #bougie
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Lucas: Let's live in lots of different liberal places

Sarah: Hmmmm
Sarah: I don't quite like moving v much but we can settle down for like 5 years at a time?
Sarah: Should be enough time before uprooting myself

Lucas: That's a pretty good timeframe

Sarah: Moving brings a lot of anxiety
Sarah: It doesn't make me feel at ease

Lucas: With my passports and my career I can keep u secure when moving

Sarah: Man did it hurt?
Sarah: When you fell from the sky

Lucas: Hahahah omg
Lucas: Corn dog but damn cute