Wednesday, June 12, 2019

MERCURIAL

I received another call today. My sister's teacher said she hasn't been going to school, and I know this, because I can see her at home, asleep when she shouldn't be. Her teacher said she's told him just last week about the depression diagnosis and her new meds. He says he suggested a deferment of her school semester but she refused because she wants to get school over and done with. I can see it from her point of view, with her brain on depression mode and the fact that she's already stretched out her school years long enough, school must be dreadful to finish even later than she absolutely has to. Conversely, I also see her teacher's point, in that if she does defer and tries to only cope with her mental health, and if she succeeds, school may be much more within her means and less dreadful if her brain isn't in depression mode. I'm tired, I'm trying to think of the next time the family will talk about this, and my mother has to be coaxed to be more understanding towards my sister, and my sister has to be coaxed to be nicer to herself. Sometimes I really feel like even though Lyssa can at times be my best friend in the world, it's not healthy for both of us to live in the same house because when one of us is depressed, the other's mental health obviously is affected as well. I hope my sister will be stable when I am away for school. My family still needs a lot of guidance in interacting with people with mental health issues. I know my sister is not technically my ward, and I am not responsible for her, I did not sign up to be her or anyone's mother, but I recall very well when I went through my miscarriage and my mother didn't respond the way I needed her to, and I was lost, even at 26 or 27 years of age. My sister is 23 this year. She has the same mother that I do. I don't want her to go through the same feelings that I had to, not if I can help it. I really hope these meds work for her. I keep running into money issues and although I joke about it, Lucas is not my sugar daddy and I do not use his money unless I absolutely need it, and I also don't like feeling indebted to him, or to anyone. People who don't think money can buy happiness clearly don't have enough money. I always say if you have money, you can always try to find the right therapist for yourself and suddenly your problems will fall into perspective. It may not be constant happiness, but at least you won't be depressed. I'm gonna try to sleep.