Thursday, April 16, 2020

CANNONBALL

should've known I'd be the first to leave
think about the place where you first met me
in a getaway car
no, they never get far
no, nothing good starts
in a getaway car

we were jet set, Bonnie and Clyde
until I switched to the other side
it's no surprise I turned you in
'cos us traitors never win

I just had a session of therapy. Before the session, I had a lot of things to write here but now I've forgotten what they were. I had a dream about someone who used to be in my life. I really like my current therapist. I recently finished watching Nickelodeon's Avatar: The Last Airbender, and I'm currently watching the spin-off, The Legend of Korra. If I were a bender, I would most likely be a firebender and start Agni Kais all the time. I love Zuko/Zukara and I think Zuko was robbed. I stopped watching Terrace House because I don't like one of the new members, Vivi. Last week I opened my Skype account for a work interview, and found a message from Ben Glaser on it. It was a message telling me that he'd seen from Instagram that I was in New York, and he wished me happiness with Adam. It made me laugh and shake my head, and I don't even remember whether I'd read it when I was in New York, 'cos I don't use Skype often. One time, I had a friend who said I had a man at every port in the world, which I laughed off. I wonder if that's why I sometimes feel unsettled, because at any time, I could open an app and find a notification from an ex. Sometimes I lie awake at 4am in Singapore, and think this is the time in Brooklyn where you'd be smoking a joint, or it's the weekend where you'd be on the beach in SoCal, wondering where the plane that just flew overhead had come from. I've been thinking about values that are important to me, and I wonder how there are people I know who think having sex by yourself is inherently wrong, and I also know people who swing with multiple partners. How do you bridge the gap between? The pandemic has been making me feel all sorts of anxieties. I feel like the world is coming to an end, and that makes me think of several situations in books and movies. Whenever an apocalypse happens, people forget all their inhibitions and do what they really want to. In my session of therapy, I told my therapist that I wanted to manifest love because I think I've forgotten what love is, and how to do it, how to show it. Anyways, I don't know if you remember the TripAdvisor itinerary contest I'd entered, but I won, so I have two business class tickets. I'm probably gonna use them on my move to Vancouver, but who knows. No one knows jack shit.

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