Wednesday, April 8, 2020


Today I did floor pulls, overhead presses, and glute bridges, vinyasa flow for 20 minutes before dropping out, and ran in the rain for five minutes. Despite my forming arm muscles, I am still nowhere near doing push-ups, so I'm training up to them with inclined push-ups (do them at an angle by pushing up from a sofa, etc). In the past week, I have had my Lululemon peer evaluation with my boss, had work meetings, been interviewed, watched a movie with Lucas, had a therapy session, all via Zoom, and tomorrow, my Lululemon team and I will be having lunch together on Zoom, for the first time.

I had a list of eight things I wanted to do during this one-month lockdown in Singapore, but already I will have to delay one of the things, because the government has a zero-tolerance policy on leaving your home even to meet one person at their home. Given how much surveillance Singapore conducts, even I wouldn't push it.

Also, for the first time, I have no complaints about the government cracking down on us, in the name of safety and health, yadda yadda, I think. I'm a tiny bit worried because it feels like the start of The Handmaid's Tale, when nobody knew what was going on and the next thing you knew, the women had lost all access to their savings accounts, their cards, their identities and essentially their lives. If the Singapore government wanted to do the same now, to be honest, I don't doubt they could succeed.

My plan for the next month of working from home (I work in retail so there's really not much I can do from home) is: read ten books - that works out to 2.5 books per week, I'm done with the first of ten. I finished She Said from which this paragraph stayed with me:
During the testimony, the judge made some improbable statements. He called "Devil's Triangle," a term in his yearbook that had received media attention, a drinking game, when most people knew it as high school slang for a three-way liaison between two men and a woman. He claimed that Ford's story had been "refuted by the very people she says were there, including by a longtime friend of hers." That was not true: the friend, Leland Keyser, whom Ford recalled being at the party, had told the Judiciary Committee in a letter written by her attorney that she didn't remember the gathering and didn't know Kavanaugh, but she had also told the Washington Post she believed Ford was telling the truth. When Senator Amy Klobuchar, a Democrat from Minnesota, asked Kavanaugh if he had ever partially or fully blacked out from drinking, he countered by asking if she ever had, sounding defensive.
The book is about the Harvey Weinstein sexual assaults and investigations into the case, the Brett Kavanaugh vote, and the general #metoo movement. I would recommend it very strongly to everyone, but I am a feminist, so you would have expected that. It's written well, though, I really enjoyed their thorough reporting, and then the streamlining of cases into the feminist narrative. As always, I'm done with the book, so anyone who wants it off me just has to say so and it's yours.

In the month ahead, I want to watch the new part of Terrace House, in which there are twelve episodes, so I should be done with it over three or four days. Lucas has started to learn programming, so because I am a competitive fuckhead, I decided to make that one of my things too, although he clearly has a headstart because he works in IT. He keeps hustling and saying he thinks I would be good at it because I'm logical and I'm good with languages, but I hate having a bar set at all, because if you expect me to succeed at something, I will probably fail because of some subconscious self-hate or whatever.

I have been rewatching Community, and I just realized I'm so close to the Britta character. Britta is very holier-than-thou, and she's a crazy feminist activist wannabe. When I first watched it as it came out ten years ago, I used to really root for the romantic notions, for Britta and Jeff to be together, and rewatching it now, I just realized how casual their relationship always was. They were literal friends with benefits, and it feels so much cooler than I ever thought. I still like Britta, but I hope I'm never as pretentious as the extreme TV character that she was. I only started this segue because Britta is written to possess some measure of self-hate, but then, doesn't everyone? Everyone does---- riiiight??

I'm also supposed to sort out finances for school. I've applied for a relief fund due to loss of income from COVID-19, so hopefully that works out, or I might really defer my studies for yet another year, which honestly, I don't think my soul could tolerate. Apart from that, I can't go to the bank to ask about loans, because everything is closed and Singapore is a dead town. I wanted to buy a cheap skateboard to practise on, but again, the shops are closed and I don't want to buy my first board online, so that'll have to wait till the lockdown ends (in what I hope to be really only a month).

I am to practise yoga three times a week, which is somehow the easiest goal, because I work in Lululemon and the resources are everywhere in my face, if not on Youtube. My only impediment is my cat Mochi likes to be on the mat at the same time that I am, but honestly it's adorable as all fuck and I love her. I am to finish level 3 of Spanish on Duolingo by the end of this month, and have therapy once a week. My last therapy session was a week ago, and my next is scheduled (online) for tomorrow, so that's great.

As far as I can tell, I'm gonna smash all my lockdown goals (apart from finances, programming and skateboarding). That's what happens when you set easy enough goals, lolol. Also easy when you choose things you enjoy and look forward to doing. I acknowledge my privilege that I'm healthy, that I live in Singapore, that I have a roof over my head, that I have enough food for the month. I acknowledge my overwhelming fortune that I have the time to do things to be "productive" in this month, and if you are affected very adversely by COVID-19, please reach out. You can also reach out to me personally, I am aware of many aid forms and systems across the world, for money, for mental health resources (in fact I found my current therapist online because she was offering complimentary sessions due to COVID-19), any help you need to tide over this incredibly terrible global period, there is help available. Ask, and we will help you find it, or provide it for you.

One more thing, at no point during this month, no matter how bored I get, should you allow me to upload ridiculous workout videos. Do not let me do it! Do not!!!!!!!! Stay safe, y'all.

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