Tuesday, August 11, 2020


My family has just arrived home after a drive to a 24-hour supermarket. We went together because my sister Lyssa has just passed her driving test and received her licence today. We had our parents, my other sister Aqilah and I, all trying to advise her on the drive, on the freeway, to the slope up the mall carpark, to doing U-turns. It was an entire hour of anxiety and cortisol, so I'm allowing my body some time to return to its baseline, which to be honest, is probably always pumped with more adrenaline and cortisol than found at most other people's baselines. When I am in Canada, I hope my sisters come over and take turns to drive. It will hopefully be safer in my university town and the rest of Vancouver Island, I know Singapore is just overcrowded with people and vehicles. 

Today at work, someone said my perfume smelled peculiar, and I found the remark peculiar, as well as interesting. I was wearing my Twilight body spray from Lush, which is a relaxing, comforting scent made of lavender and tonka, something akin to vanilla. Everyone else at work had said today they loved it, and they knew it because it's a signature scent from Lush, and I wear it occasionally anyways. The reason I found the remark peculiar, is because it came from my boss, and I've always liked the scent she uses, but I've never been able to place it, nor have I been able to ask her what it is. I really like her scent, but I don't know if it's because her perfume is a nice one, or because I find her very attractive. I'm still a tiny bit intimidated by her, which I think a lot of us are, and I don't know if that plays into the power dynamics as well. She has a girlfriend, and I'm also in a relationship. However, I'm mature enough to admit that being in a relationship does not prevent attraction to other people, as well as to acknowledge that repressing any thoughts and feelings would just strengthen them. My boss is also a spin instructor, and I work at lululemon, so you can expect the entire team to be fit and strong and overwhelmingly attractive. Everyone has such tight and toned bodies, and it is very hard to deny their physical allure. Today, as friends, she asked whether we liked boobs or butts, and I'm pretty sure I went around trying to stabilize my heart rate after the superior I'm attracted to was asking me that. Sometimes I literally stutter at work because I'm surrounded by such fit people. This is rather unlike me, y'all know I'm an extrovert and I'm usually very sociable. I have now been relegated to being the beta. I suppose the time had to come, lolol.

No comments: