Saturday, January 2, 2021


she would've made such a lovely bride
what a shame she's fucked in the head

Since the early hours of New Year's Day morning, it rained a heavy, pouring rain, and continued raining a heavy, pouring rain for about 38 hours or so. There were reports of flooding around Singapore. It's strange because it only started in 2021, and the weather had been perfectly normal before that. It would be a bad omen for the rest of the year, but I don't know if I quite believe in the weather signalling any kind of meaning for anything else. The good thing, also, as there always is, is that it has finally stopped, leaving behind only a cool air, as it always does. I was not feeling too good in the day, because with the heavy rain, the sun was blocked out, and the cold dampens my mood. It just reminds me that when I am in Canada, I may have to look into mood-regulating lamps to hopefully balance out the lack of sun and warmth. 

I spent the entirety of today watching Bridgerton on Netflix. They played a strings version of Taylor Swift over what was one of the hottest lovemaking scenes on the show. This is why romance in real life can never measure up to my expectations of romance. There is no universe in which Vitamin String Quartet's rendition of Taylor Swift is going to be playing while I make love, to anyone. I like the period Bridgerton is set in, there is a duel scene, which reminds me of the play Hamilton. In fact, it is set at exactly the same time Hamilton was alive, except of course Bridgerton is a fictional family, and it takes place in Britain. There were many scenarios in which the characters feel stifled by the decorum of the time, as well as their stations in life. I'm not sure if I've said this here before, but one of the sayings I absolutely hate, is "it is what it is." It is what it is feels so resigned, as if we are all mere puppets and none of us has the agency to change anything. It's funny, because the most I've heard it is what it is, is when it's said by Americans, but it's Americans who like to believe they've got freedom of choice, yadda yadda yadda. 

I have been single for just slightly over a month. At this juncture, it would probably be about the common time I re-download Tinder, just to fuck around (whether literally or otherwise). My Tinder account has been disabled, though, apparently because my profile has gone against some such guideline or another. It has actually been that way since two years ago, even before I met Lucas and we got together, and that's why I met him on OKCupid. I could take up a case with them and ask them to restore my account, or I could just wait and try to be okay by myself. When I'm in Canada, I'd want to go back to Hinge. Hinge is the best dating app I've used, but it doesn't exist in Singapore.

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