Thursday, March 4, 2021

ALETHEIA


the moon is high 
like your friends were the night that we first met 
went home and tried to stalk you on the internet 
now I've read all of the books beside your bed 

the wine is cold 
like the shoulder that I gave you in the street 
cat and mouse for a month or two or three 
now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe 

kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night (oh!) 
kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright 
three times 'cause I've waited my whole life 
(one, two, one-two-three-four!) 

I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings 
uh huh, that's right 
darling, you're the one I want
I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this 
uh huh, that's right
darling, you're the one I want 
in paper rings, in picture frames, in dirty dreams 
oh, you're the one I want 

in the winter, in the icy outdoor pool 
when you jumped in first, I went in too 
I'm with you even if it makes me blue 
which takes me back 
to the color that we painted your brother's wall 
honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws 
we wouldn't be standing here so tall, so 

kiss you once 'cause I know you had a long night (oh!) 
kiss you twice 'cause it's gonna be alright
three times 'cause you waited your whole life 
(one, two, one-two-three-four!) 

I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings 
uh huh, that's right 
darling, you're the one I want
and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this 
uh huh, that's right 
darling, you're the one I want 
in paper rings, in picture frames, in dirty dreams 
oh, you're the one I want 

I want to drive away with you 
I want your complications too 
I want your dreary Mondays 
wrap your arms around me, baby boy

I think there is a Taylor Swift song for every occasion in my life, or anyone's life, tbh. This is the one I want to dance to at my wedding. Every time I hear it, I bop to it. It plays on the work playlist sometimes, and it cheers me up, every time. I went for a boxing session yesterday, have another two this week, just to use up the credits I get from work. I have a spin session to support my friend's first class, and then we're going for Jaysen's resistance workout at Ground Zero on Sunday. I already know I'm going to be the weakest person in the class, so I hope Jaysen just ignores my existence while I trail behind everyone else. Some days I feel like I'm dying, I am so exhausted, and still somehow my body survives. Life is a game of chess, not checkers. Rome wasn't built in a day, yadda yadda yadda. I finished watching WandaVision. "What is grief, if not love persevering?" I think it's a little frilly and predictable, just about the best summary of Disney+ so far, but an easy and enjoyable enough watch. 

A couple of days ago, we were talking about dating in the work pantry, and Melyssa (her name is actually spelled the same way as my sister's!) asked why I wouldn't get back together with Lucas, because she thought we were quite good together. I told her I have much more fond feelings for him as a friend than anything else, and trying to pretend otherwise would be unfair to both of us. We were together for 500 days or so, and he never watched Hamilton, with me or otherwise. This is the piece of media that changed my life enough that I have a tattoo of it, I wouldn't expect my partner to love it, but I'd think sparing 3 hours to watch it isn't too much to ask for. I also definitely want a partner who's not too self-conscious to dance in public, and Lucas (bless him, he's the sweetest but) was not that. He refused to dance, on account of dancing really badly, but you know, do I look like I can dance? I absolutely cannot, but I wouldn't let anyone's impression of me stop me from doing it, anyway. There were many tiny things that translated to something lacking in our compatibility, and nothing at all to do with either of us as people. We were quite good together, but I know myself better than that and I wouldn't settle for a quite good partnership for life.

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