Friday, March 12, 2021


I have had such a good week. I actually had a couple of nights ridden with anxiety earlier in the week, but my friends have proven to be amazing confidants and supporters through my tough times, and I felt safe, and I feel safe. I went for two back-to-back boxing sessions yesterday, both instructors were super fun and the sessions were great and I felt again, pumped with serotonin or dopamine or endorphin, or some combination of the three. Both instructors had ass-lifting exercises or some variation of the squat incorporated into the core sections of their sessions and I’d just been lamenting my lack of an ass last week. I wonder if they somehow knew, my boss at lululemon is also an instructor at CruCycle, the sister studio of CruBox. Maybe word went through the grapevine. Maybe not, I mean it’s common enough for everyone to want to have some semblance of a booty. I also spent some time with myself and my vibrator, so that was a lovely combination for the day and I slept well through the night. I don’t know if you know, but my mental health affects my sexual health, I would guess on average that a person’s mental health affects their sexual health too? Last night was a very nice and fulfilling session for me, though. :)

Tonight I met my lululemon bunch. I call them the lululemon bunch, but only two of eight of us are actually still working at lululemon, and I am one of the two. We had pizza at Chooby Pizza. The pizzas are made with naturally leavened dough, or some such thing, it was Jaysen’s recommendation and the pizzas were really quite yumz. While waiting for the rest to arrive from their spin class, Jaysen and I played a chess match on his phone, and I think but I can’t be sure, that I’m actually getting better at it? I don’t know, Jaysen’s the only person I know who plays chess, so I only play chess every two weeks lolz. We then squeezed in Jaysen’s car and then all drove over to town for dessert and tea, if you know what I mean. 

Jaysen had taught 17 classes this week (he’s the master trainer at Ground Zero so he’s also training the new instructors) so he was losing his voice, and he had a very deep, raspy voice tonight. Xuan kept joking that she was getting turned on by his voice and tbh I completely concur. The man was wearing a T-shirt and jeans and I had to keep telling myself — don’t look at his forearms, don’t look at his forearms. We chatted as a group about our celebrity pass. You know the Friends episode where, if you’re in a relationship, you’re allowed to choose the celebrities you can sleep with should you somehow miraculously happen to bump into them. Jaysen also joked about starting a Tinder profile with a photo of an actual catfish and punning in his bio about being a catfish, and so Sarah Yap started Googling catfish photos. We were all entertained by Jaysen’s silly ideas, and his warped, twisted mind, and I realised today, that actually we all love Jaysen in some form, given how big of a catch he actually is (not as a catfish, as a real human person). He’s a lovely person, and he makes us all laugh so much. I know I have slightly more feels because I know he reads provocative books and does weird brainy things like play chess and as Angelica Schuyler raps, “so this is what it feels like to match wits with someone at your level” and it’s very fun to play on words with him. I also know that we wouldn’t actually be too compatible, though, there are fundamental differences between us, I think he might actually be religious, or at least he’s definitely not irreverent like I am. I am much more open to pushing conventional boundaries whereas he’s very pleasant and sticks to the status quo. As you can see, I have clearly given this some thought, because I give most things some thought. 

In any case, today, through hours of banter, of teasing each other about this and that, I realise that this bunch of people have really carved some space in their hearts for me, to know useless things like I don’t like bandung, and I know things about them, like they never check their Whatsapp messages. I feel part of a whole, especially when they always make me feel whole, even through my whackjob nights and when I’m completely ungrounded and unsettled. I love my lululemon babies and I am grateful they are all part of my life.

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