Thursday, March 14, 2019

OPPOSITE / ADJACENT

It would be so interesting if I stopped believing in marriage or monogamy. Practically, I don't think I could ever really subscribe to a lifestyle where I engage in ethically non-monogamous relationships, I've always thought it was messy and of course, I form attachments way too easily. However, I have also been told that people have the misconception that I am a "good decent Muslim-Malay girl", not the one who doesn't fast in Ramadan or who has a tattoo. I mean, seriously, I am a geek, when I am not dressed up for Instagram, I look like trash that walks around wearing spectacles. I have gone from listening to and abiding by my parents' rules to completely disregarding them. I have gone from being miserable about my miscarried fetus and praying for it, to being completely convinced god and the afterlife are made-up concepts because human beings are too self-absorbed to accept that the world does not revolve around us and that we could ever cease to exist once our bodies are dead. If there were any extreme changes to be made in life, I think I have made that journey, so. Life is transient and so are my beliefs so far. I have definitely read stuff that say that marriages are doomed to fail because we're not meant to have lifetime partners, especially not in an age where the average lifespan is close to a hundred years. People change and then so do dynamics between people and their relationships. To cap off this post, I will very predictably say I hope this doesn't scare off my future husband because I still want to get married, but everything has the potential to change, and to go into a marriage not learning as much as you can about your partner's mindset, is likely what dooms it to fail, anyway. One day my mother will muster her courage to read all my recent posts and she will have an aneurysm and perhaps she will throw me out of this apartment. Maybe spiritually, even if not physically.

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