Monday, July 20, 2020


I met a friend from high school who follows my previous best friends on Instagram. The friend asked me about them, and I said I didn't know anything, but they then told me the one I was closest to, might have had a baby. This brought back so many feelings, I'm trying to sit with them right now. The friend I met asked whether I'd ended the friendship over a petty reason, and then I asked myself, did I become the ultimate epitome of my biological dad having abandoned us, by dropping my friends? I don't know. A month or two before we fell out, I remember the closest friend of mine saying it was a good thing I was going back to my studies, because she thought that she and I were the less successful among the four of us in a group. I had never thought of it that way, and when this conversation happened, I internalized it instead of bringing it up with her in a healthy manner. I may always regret having all the issues build within me, and between us, until I eventually broke and instinctively decided to stop meeting her. If she's a mother now, she's in charge of molding a future life and I really hope for the best for her and her family. Unpacking all my feelings at this news is going to take an entire therapy session.

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