Saturday, September 12, 2020

OCCAM'S RAZOR

So I don't know if you've seen, but on one of my recent posts I received this comment:
Hello! I am one of those who read your blog and I have never responded because shy. But since you said you would like people to message you, here I am. It's very interesting to watch a malay girl with a common malay face pretend with all her might to be white! Don't so yaya la okay?

If you're not Singaporean, you may not know that yaya means pretentious, my friend Tami who's Indonesian asked me what it meant so I thought I'd just clarify. I read the comment and I was a little confused, so I created an Instagram story poll asking if I was yaya/pretentious. All the responses (95%) said I'm not, except for one. It was just a random account with no followers or whatever, and this account also began to leave strange sarcastic comments on my older Instagram posts, asking if I was "mixed, because the photo was gorgeous" or highlighting that I have a shallow personality. Seeing as the account only appeared after I'd created the poll in response to the comment, I'm going to do the obvious and think it's the same person who'd left the blog comment, that owns the Instagram account.

I think the nature of the comments was slightly strange, but I'll just give it the time of day since I'm already writing this. The commenter took offence that for a Malay person with a common Malay face, I pretend with all my might to be white. As far as I recall, I've never tried to look white, or not-Malay. I don't even speak with a "white accent", I think I have quite an obvious Malay accent and I don't try to mask it, so I really am not sure what they mean. I guess this person doesn't know me in real life, which is a huge relief, because I wouldn't want someone I personally know to think such things about me. Next, I actually think Malay people are attractive and have attractive features, so if I have a common Malay face, I'm going to take it as a compliment, thank you for that? If they meant that with a common Malay face, I'm actually unattractive, then there's something problematic in that. This person is either not Malay and is racist against Malays, or they are Malay and self-hating. Either way, I don't understand it. 

Also, this person created a fake Instagram account to comment anonymously on my older posts. That takes dedication and effort. I'm guessing that they haven't told their close friends or family members that they started the account to leave such comments. In that case, whatever I write about or however my behaviour, I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm at the very least living my truth with more volition and freedom than they are. I cannot imagine putting in so much energy into disliking someone that I'd have to carve out sessions to hate on them, away from my own social life. 

When I shared the comments on my Instagram, most of my friends said this was likely to be a teenager's work. If they are a teenager, then perhaps I'll let them grow out of it, like a toddler going through their Terrible Twos. However, if this person is older than a teenager and is closer to my age of thirty, then it's really high time someone told them that they are an unhappy person. I don't know how or why they are unhappy, but they are. Happy people don't put in energy into being mean and nasty to other people, and happy people would also know this method does not work. If they felt safe and secure about themselves, they would know that no matter what anyone else said, their own self-worth and what they think of themselves is what matters. All this to say, the person who commented does not feel safe and secure, and doesn't know what it means, to feel safe and secure about themselves as a person. 

I was going to let it slide after the Instagram comments, but today a comment popped up on a much older post, and this time it was attacking my intelligence as well as my... sexual worth? I'd blogged about Mochi falling and breaking her leg, two years ago, and the person went all the way back to comment on it. 

"I’m still lowkey pissed that she stupidly lost her balance and fell from the window ledge, if she did"

But you don't think you are high key stupid for not meshing your house before adopting a cat? You act like you are damn clever but your writing and your attitude shows you're just another immature moron dying to believe she's unique. No wonder all the men you've dated before humped and dumped you.

Now, I'm an immature moron dying to believe I'm unique. Also, that's why all the men I've dated before humped and dumped me. I'm not sure why the phrase of choice was "humped and dumped" me, as if it matters that I've had many sexual relations in my life. Is this person... a conservative? Is there something they think is inherently shameful about having sexual experiences? I don't know, but also weird of them to assume they know why I was dumped. I could ask all my exes now if that's really why, but somehow I think they would have nicer things to say about me than this person does.

Whatever the actual motivation is, I would like to say: please see a therapist. You may not be able to see or accept it now, but everything you say is more reflective of your issues than of mine. It's clear to everyone apart from you. I do not know who you are, and it can stay that way. I don't know why you've chosen to have a personal vendetta against me and revolved your feelings around my life. It does seem that no matter what actions I take, you will be bitter about it and I'm unable to provide a reason why. However, I think you should share your misgivings about me and your actions towards me with at least two loved ones whom you really trust, and ask for their advice. I have no way of verifying that you do, as I don't know your identity, but this is really not for me. Whether you go to therapy or seek help, it will not affect me. I'm living my life the way I want to, but your obsession with hating me is truly unhealthy, and I do think you will only be happy, when you've let go, and learned what your own issues are. I'm guessing your immediate reaction to this would be to lash out against my suggestion that you seek help, and perhaps your anonymous comments will proliferate. I actually strongly hope you give it time and think of yourself, and not of me, regarding this matter. In the long run, it would benefit you and your life much more if you paid attention to your own feelings and your own actions instead of mine. The attention you crave for yourself has to originate from you taking care of yourself, and not from provoking a person with mean words. I wish you well. This is the last comment I will be making a note of, because I prefer to expend my energy on things that serve me well. 

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