Monday, March 18, 2019


I finished the Drive to Survive docuseries! So now you don't have to read about me talking about F1 as if I know anything. I clearly don't, except I do know how to admire the cute drivers. When they featured the Austin circuit, someone sang Star-Spangled Banner and there is a line that says "the home of the brave." One thing that people usually describe me as is brave, and I really do want to live in the US. Anyway, the F1 is really reflective of life because the richer teams are always faster, and can always hire the better drivers. It's not really all about the racing talent. It would be perhaps more fun if every team received the same funds so they can all spend the same amounts on research and developing their engines, and the drivers received similar boosts and race on level playing fields. F1: Drive to Survive is a great look into the industry, to see the drama and politics and blood, sweat and tears that go into each race weekend and every season but ultimately, it's unfair and it just doesn't make sense to follow a sport where money means winning. I went to check my CUNY application status, and there was a video stating that the application status of submitted documents will be reflected after a month or so, jeez. There are some people who dislike me and vice versa. They don't like that I'm so self-aware and honest and conversely, I don't like people who are not honest with themselves and not self-aware. If I have to spend time with five people and be the average of their personalities, you can be sure I'm choosing the five most honest and self-aware ones. Yes, I do still have feelings for someone who has made a great influence on my life, without the person even quite meaning to, I think. It takes me no effort to admit that it's been three years and I like him, but it's okay. I have strong, lasting feelings and I spent a month with this person and since I met him, I've grown into perhaps what is an even more authentic and real me, than I ever was before. So I don't regret it at all. What I cannot stand is people who have unresolved issues and have never begun to face them straight on. You can try to give me advice as the 30-something-year-old person you are, but the way I see it, I'm braver facing the ups and downs of my brain and life, than you are. You think you're settled but you keep coming back to me. I don't have time for you. You're not wasting my time, you're wasting your own.

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