Tuesday, April 23, 2019


I just had ice-cream so I'm very happy. If I ruled a sovereign nation, I would make ice-cream the staple food and my land's happiness ratings would soar through the roof. I fucking love ice-cream! I just watched this video, and it's so stupid but it makes me so happy. (Also, the animations are actually so well done, I feel like I got all my money's worth --- it's obviously free, it's on Youtube.)

These are its lyrics:
what up, world?
it's your boy, just one of the guys down here
well, I could be more specific
uh, I'm a human, and I just wanted to, you know,
for the sake of all of us earthlings out there,
just wanted to say

we love the Earth, it is our planet
we love the Earth, it is our home
we love the Earth, it is our planet
we love the Earth, it is our home

hi, I'm a baboon
I'm like a man, just less advanced
and my anus is huge
hey, I'm a zebra
no one knows what I do, but I look pretty cool
am I white or black?
I'm a lion cub, and I'm always getting licked (meow!)
how's it going? I'm a cow (moo!)
you drink milk from my tits (moo)
I'm a fat, fucking pig
I'm a common fungus
I'm a disgruntled skunk, shoot you out my butthole
I'm a marijuana plant, I can get you fucked up
and I'm Kanye West

we love the Earth, it is our planet
we love the Earth, it is our home
we love the Earth, it is our planet
we love the Earth, it is our home
we love the Earth

ba-dum-da-dum-dum, ba-dum-da-di
we are the vultures, feed on the dead
we're just some rhinos, horny as heck
I'm just a giraffe, what's with this neck?
hippity-hop, I'm a kangaroo
I hop all day, up and down with you
I'm an elephant, I got junk in my trunk
what the fuck? I'm a clam!
I'm a wolf, howl!
I'm a squirrel, lookin' for my next nut
and I'm a pony, just a freak horse, heh-heh-heh
but, uh, c'mon, get on
giddee-up, let's ride
I'm HPV, don't let me in
I'm a koala and I sleep all the time
so what? It's cute

we love you, India
we love you, Africa
we love the Chinese
we forgive you, Germany
Earth, it is our planet (it's so tiny)

I'm a man (hello?)
can you hear me? (anyone out there? hello?)
I've trudged the Earth for so damn long
and still don't know shit (what's going on?)
I hope it's not a simulation
give each other names like Ahmed and Pedro
and, yeah, we like to wear clothes, girls still look beautiful
and it covers up our human dick, eat a lot of tuna fish
but these days, it's like we don't know how to act
all these shootings, pollution, we under attack on ourselves
like, let's all just chill, respect what we built
like look at the internet! It's cracking as hell
fellas, don't you love to cum when you have sex?
and I heard women orgasms are better than a dick's
so what we got this land for? what we gotta stand for?
love, and we love the Earth
oh, yeah, baby, I love the Earth
I love this planet

hey, Russia, we're cool
hey, Asia, all of you, c'mon
every one of you from the plains to the Sahara
let's come together and live
우-우-우리는 지구를 사랑해요
amamos la tierra

c'mon everybody, I know we're not all the same
but we're living on the same Earth
(have you ever been to Earth?)
everyone who is listening has been to Earth, Ariana
we're not making music for aliens here
(are we gonna die?)
you know what, Bieber? we might die
I'm not going to lie to you
I mean, there's so many people out here who don't think
global warming's a real thing
you know? we gotta save this planet
we're being stupid
unless we get our shit together now
All the different artistes (Ariana/Bieber/Adam Levine/Kris Wu etc) are featured as animals or things on Earth and it's so dumb I love it. I completely second Leonardo DiCaprio and I think this is now my favorite song ever.

You know, I used to always hate guys whose bios are just "here for a good time, not a long time" on Tinder or whatever dating app. Guess what my bio is now. Fuck this shit. We don't have a long time, we can at least make it a good time, right?

Also, I don't get how my phone can take photos with a depth-of-field to put DSLRs to shame, and my MacBook (2017) Photo Booth still takes photos that look like they were taken by a model of potato. POTATO I tell you.

I'm out, bitches.

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